Palliative

Hi 01Helen 

Something I got wrong in my early days with cancer was misunderstanding the term palliative - it is perhaps better explained here.

When Janice was diagnosed she was clear she did not want a prognosis, I really struggled with that. Still her cancer is rare and so it would have been doubful if anyone could have given a sensible answer anyway and nobody would have guessed that the chemotherapy would end up making her cancer go to sleep and now over 10 years later she is almost certainly in better health than i am. 

I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me, the idea of thinking more of the here and now rather than worrying about a furutre I could not control but could imagine worse that actually happened. The conscious breathing exercises that helped when life decided it was time to throw us a curveball but also helping me relax and get some sleep.

If we look at your emotions when someone has cancer anger is quite common, I found looking at that list helped me feel the emotions were valid and normal and that helped to make them a little less overwhelming. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Helen

Yes its normal to have the full range of emotions when you hear such news. I remember the day my husband was told he had 12-18 months due to a rare sarcoma that had spread. He got 12. But as Steve aka src60 said, his wife has been well for many years. Not wanting to know is entirely a choice for you both. We did want to know, or rather, I did, and Im glad we had an idea which was, sadly, spot on at every turn.  

All you can do is make the most out of every day when he is well enough. You will possibly have to way up the impact of chemo against the benefit. Tony, my husband had 2 lots of chemo but neither worked. The oncologist should be able to talk that through.

Lean on anyone you can for support, friends, family, work colleagues, neighbours. Make small plans, or big plans if he can and wants to. If there is a hospice, you can get linked in. Ours was amazing and there are many people who have lived many years on palliative care. Hospices arent just there at the very end of life. 

Come here to chat to others, sometimes its hard to show emotions in front of your partner, and this is a safe place.

Hugs to you x

Many thanks for your kind words . If he wants to know I’m happy with that but I’m not sure he does as dosnt really talk about it . I’m trying to accept  any help that’s offered. Although not really needing much outside support at the moment .  
I feel. 

i don’t want to see friends as I don’t want people to keep asking me how he is . 

Im Very sorry for your loss , it helps to know what other people have been through . 

Hi Steve 

Thankyou for your reply and so pleased things have gone well for you both . That’s very true . I suppose once/ If  he is offered treatment we will know more then . I try to only think of each day , one day at a time and not think beyond next week . . It’s very hard to not make plans .