This cannot be real life.

Dear DayDayDay 

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds really challenging to be helping support your mom and also your sibling. I hope in there you can somehow find space for yourself. We are a UK based charity and there are UK resources I could signpost you to, but I think from the date format you are using and the use of “mom” and ER you are reaching out from the USA? Do let me know if I have got that wrong. This is definitely a safe space to talk to people. I am not a member of this forum as I am not currently caring for someone with incurable cancer, but I didn’t want your post to go unanswered. I have incurable cancer myself, and have had relatives go through it in the past.

Hello

I totally resonate with you. My most beautiful and precious Mom has recently been diagnosed with metastatic ovarian/peritoneal cancer. There were virtually no signs/symptoms so when we were told, it was like being hit by a train. She is my world and I simply cannot imagine my life without her. Her outward appearance other than some weight loss and her zest for life does not marry up with the gravity of this vile disease. We are all about living for the here and now but I feel like I’m on autopilot, I simply cannot process what is happening   It’s all so cruel and I’m heartbroken

My mother has just been diagnosed with the same. The rest of my family are in denial, but over the last few days I have been trying to come to terms with the reality that she is 83, a terrible surgical risk & likely not a viable chemotherapy prospect with ascites.

It is unbearable. I know how dire it is because I have a medical background and have seen her CT and spoken with the specialist nurses, but my parents are still talking about her being cured in the next few months and I simply don’t have the strength or heart to extinguish that for them.

I’m so sorry to hear your news. I very sadly lost my mom at the end of June. Treatment was not an option due to how advanced the cancer was and her age (90). I couldn’t believe how fast she deteriorated but she was at peace with everything and barely suffered. I was with her constantly and at the end. I miss her terribly 

i understand that without hope you have nothing and if it helps your parents to keep that hope alive then i would go along with it. 

My heart hurts for you 

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have just been googling and running every possibility to hope it tells me something different. My mum has MS with severe limitations to mobility and continence, diabetes, thyroid, blood pressure, overweight & had blood clot June last year. 

They removed 11 litres of ascites Friday and still haven’t come back with a histology or prognosis, but the specialist nurse said stage IV ovarian at best and inoperable. I feel like I’m looking at weeks, but I just keep waiting for someone to prove me wrong somehow. Seeing how devastated my dad is when he thinks there’s a possibility of recovery makes me fold in half with grief. Let alone the alternative. I spent the weekend crying.

I really do feel your pain. Mom was having maybe 4 litres of ascites drained every week. In April I was told Mom maybe had 6 months but the second oncologist said more like 2-3 months. I never told Mom any of this and every day until the day I lost her was torture because I knew what was coming. I too researched everything and clung to every single little milestone but it was too advanced and nothing could save her. 
It seems so cruel to get to that age and then get cancer but even though they offered no treatment, I was glad in the end because she wouldn’t have been able to tolerate the gruelling and toxic treatment. We had some really good times and told each other how much we loved each other every day. 
As hard as it is, I hope you and your Dad find strength to help your Mom through this. xx