My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer at the end of last year, it had spread to local nodes and two nodes further away by liver and lungs. He was told inoperable because of comorbidities. He had some palliative chemo (capox) but ended up in hospital 3 times, due to severe D&V and infections. His last dose was over 4 weeks ago, since then he’s been deteriorating.
He now hasn’t eaten for over 2 weeks, drinking small amounts. Feels dizzy, short of breath, productive cough. Sleeping more during the day.
He thinks with antibiotics and ant sickness he’ll be better in a few days. I wonder if he’s declining towards death?
He has nothing in place in terms of DNR, no palliative care in place and doesn’t think that he needs it yet. He lives alone, we’re nearby, but if something happens overnight etc he’s alone.
Hello CapybaraS869e46
I’m Steph and I’m part of the team who looks after the Online Community here at Macmillan.
I am sorry to read that your dad was diagnosed with inoperable oesophageal cancer and has been deteriorating over the past few weeks. It sounds like a difficult time for you both and I hope we can help you best support him.
First of all, is your Dad’s cancer nurse or GP aware of what’s being going on over the past few weeks? Who is Dad in touch with to access the antibiotics and anti-sickness he thinks he might need?
It’s important that your Dad’s healthcare team kept informed about any new or worsening symptoms. They will be the best people to assess and provide any medication, practical support or referrals to palliative care your Dad might benefit from. If you're unsure if Dad has reached out to them, might you give them a call yourself to discuss your concerns?
You may have been given a 24 hour hospital telephone number or you could contact Dad’s GP or NHS on 111 to be assessed (24 hours a day).
We’re concerned that your Dad doesn’t have any palliative care in place when it sounds like he’s struggling at the moment. I wonder if Dad might feel differently about palliative care if he understands it’s not just end of life care?
Some people are referred to a palliative care team early on after a cancer diagnosis. Palliative care is about offering you the right support at the right time. This might be physical, emotional, spiritual or practical support. This is based on needs rather than life expectancy. You can read more about palliative care here and share with your Dad if you feel comfortable.
I’d also encourage you to contact the Support Line to ask any questions or talk things through. Even if you just want to chat with someone who is there to listen, do give us a call. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
We have some information here to help support you when your loved one has cancer.
I hope you find the support you’re looking for. Please do let us know if you have any questions or need further support with anything at all. I hope the Community helps to show you that you don’t have to go through this alone.
Kindest Regards,
Steph - Online Community Officer
I am not a member of this forum as I am not currently supporting someone with incurable cancer. I do have incurable cancer myself and have in the past experienced family and friends going through their final weeks and days with cancer. I know from those experiences how tough it is to be handling the anticipatory grief alongside the uncertainty and challenges involved. Steph - Online Community team has given you some really good advice about making sure your Dad’s healthcare team are involved.
Whilst a medical person might be able to judge whether he’s declining towards death, it’s understandably something that comes with a lot of uncertainty. At one point nearly 3 years ago it looked as if my kidneys would fail and I was advised to ask my family to come see me whilst I was still well enough. I took steps to put power of attorney in place. Gradually I pulled out of it and here I am, quite well. When my brother in law was obviously declining with pancreatic cancer, he vehemently pushed against being helped. I think he knew he was close to the end but he didn’t want to acknowledge it or talk about it and he most certainly didn’t want carers involved. So maybe you have to go along with this in what ever way your father wants. If he thinks he will get better then go along with that until it’s obvious he won’t, whilst trying to make sure he is safe and comfortable.
Most of all make sure you are taking the time to look after yourself.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
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