How to tell young teens about their dad

Hi WifeandMum 

I know the first time I heard the word palliative I very much thought end of life but later I found it only meant treatment to manage symptoms rather than aimed at a cure. My wife's cancer was incurable from the start but she has had two different lots of chemotherapy and the second rendered her cancer stable - so much so she only now sees the oncologist once a year.

Janice never wanted a prognosis but even if she had got one I don't think anyone would have imagined the result she got.

Our son was still in primary school when my wife was diagnosed, the one thing I knew is that I did not want to promise him something that we could not deliver. Theri school was very helpful and supportive.

Then of course there was looking after me too, I ended up doing a living with less stress course that helped me. Partially it was focussing on what we have in the here and now that was very helpful but of course from time to time life will throw another curveball and the conscious breathing techniques can help.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hello WifeandMum 

I am Brian one of the Community Champions here at Macmillan. I am so sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis and can appreciate it's difficult to tell teenagers something like this. Here's a link you may find useful:

Talking to Children and Teenagers About Cancer

Whilst I hope your husband will be treated and although incurable he will be with us for a long time - if at any point the prognosis becomes terminal then we do have further advice here:

Preparing a Child For A Loss.

It is a difficult time for you and I understand you need to time things right - my adult children sensed I had" cancer even before I had a diagnosis and started to Google things which was a bad idea so my wife and I were "upfront with everything.

As "Steve" (src60) has said in his post above the word "palliative" does mean treatment "to manage symptoms" so I do hope your husband has many long years.

Remember our support line is there for you on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) and the wonderful people there have plenty of resources to help in this situation.

Best wishes - Brian

Thank you for your replies. Unfortunately 1st line Capiri and then 2nd line folfox have not reduced liver mets. The numerous mets have grown. He is starting Lonsurf with Avastin to try and stop/slow progression. They have said it will not reduce.

Thank you for the useful info links. I am due to start counselling myself and will also look for a Less stress course. I’m looking into counselling for the kids but they don’t need it yet. I will speak to school in case they need to be added to any waiting lists

Whilst he is still living ‘normally’ we don’t want to scare the kids and want them to enjoy their life whilst we do as much together as we can. 

Thinking of you. I've been placed on Lonsurf myself but I'll still refuse to give up. Could try some alternative treatments? Although my oncologist is against them because "there's no proof they work" as I reminded him, "proven" conventional treatments and chemos haven't worked either. Theres oxygen room clinics that are just a nice thing to do as a couple weather they work or not, and all sorts of ideas around eating fruit and veg diets. I'm giving things a go with an open mind but finding things that might help that are also fun things to do can only be a good thing. Please keep us updated