Struggling

Hi there, yes sadly we’re part of community of people experiencing anticipatory grief and it’s extremely difficult live had an awful time the last few days with my partners health deteriorating. He has problems with bleeding and it’s been traumatic for us all. I don’t have much time to chat so apologies to all who I’ve connected with on here. 
Will be busy caring but will try to keep posting here as it definitely helps.

peace love and strength to you. ️

Thanks for replying Driftwood, hope your partner's situation eases. 

I wasn't sure about reaching out here, but in the short time I have interacted with people, it does help to feel not so along.

Hope life treats you a bit more gently. x

I feel so very tearful reading what other people are going through but feel better to know I,'m not alone .All we can do is keep our strength up and take the greatest care of our loved ones while thare here .Can t believe I'm m writing this about my beloved husband .Wish I could give you all a hug and let you know what a strong person you are .Friends tell me how strong I am to deal with thisituation but they don't realize that I'm actually falling apart and dreading the future .Peace,Love and Strength to you all also

I am so sorry you are going through this too. It is heartbreaking. I don’t live with my partner so I am visiting as much as I can and trying to look after my little boy. I know what you mean about deteriorating so quickly. He is a keen cyclist cycling most days a number of miles. Diagnosed in November with oesophagus cancer with spread to the liver, lungs and bones. He has little energy and anything he tries to eat he vomits back up it’s is so awful to watch. The weight has just fallen off him. I cry myself to sleep most nights and try to hold it together when I am with him but it’s so hard. I feel like I am grieving already. Try look after yourself and I am here if you need to chat or scream. Take care xx

Sorry to hear this Driftwood. Sending love your way xx

That sounds overwhelming.  Like your partner, my sister was very active, much healthier and fitter than me, really took care of herself. Bizarrely that makes it harder to understand. It's so unfair. 

I also know what you mean about seeing someone waste away, she has lost so much weight too.  It's like watching her fade away a bit more every time I see her. I don't live with them either so changes are greater/more obvious. Tho I suspect after tomorrow I will be staying out there until this next chapter ends. However that is.

On Monday I will be visiting her in hospital for the first time and since I saw her at home a week ago, and I'm terrified of what she will look like now. And I feel so selfish, guilty and ashamed for feeling that because of what she's going through. I honestly wish I could swap places with her.

And yes, we are grieving already. What we've lost, are losing, and the chance to grow old together. It's brutal. Thanks for reaching out and offering support, take great care of yourself and I'm here for you too xx

Thanks so much M.D. Everyone has been so kind on I feel hugged, if even just virtually. We actually had a lovely Christmas, which makes it all so unbelievable the deterioration in 3 weeks. Just hope we can get her home and still have some time to make some precious memories. 

I find I can cope a bit better if I try to accept it is all out of  my control, and just get through one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. It's too enormous for me to contemplate the future just now. Focus on making however long she has, as good, and comfortable as we can.

Thanks for sharing, even tho it's heartbreaking to hear, as you say it makes me feel less alone too. Take great care of yourself too at this terrible time. x

Hi Prospermuse.As you say it is all out of our control.My husband keeps saying one day at a time .I bought him a little teddy with a heart with they words on it .He loves it .He is the brave one through this handling his illness with great dignity and never a word of complaint although he is very poorly .Missing the days when we went out for a daily walk.He worked right up till he was 70 last year as he never wanted to retire and I was looking forward to our retirement together and having some lovely holidays in the sunshine. Not going to happen now .However we,ll just plod on and do the best we can .Thinking of you all ladies.Try and keep strong xxxx