Still waving, not drowning but could use some advice

Hi all,

My wife was diagnosed with metastatic colorectal cancer a couple of weeks ago. She has lost a lot of weight, is so frail that operations / treatment are not options. We are looking at a year or less.

We both want her to be cared for at home. The local Community Nurses, MacMillan and Marie Curie have been fantastic in helping set that up.

For financial reasons I need to keep working even though there is help from the DWP. Our families live a long way away, so I do not have any close physical support from them. Essentially I am the breadwinner and carer. There are people in a much worse position than I and my heart goes out to them, but it is a strain.

Just recently my wife developed a UTI, which causes confusion. Added to this, since the cancer began eating into her (looking back, long before the diagnosis) she could be confused, a bit delirious. I have to keep an eye on her, explain that we are not going out / have not gone out; did not have / are not having visitors ; find misplaced objects.

For the past two weeks I have been on a cycle of work-caring-work-caring-work-caring, no switch-off time. A few "bad" nights I have not slept. Today I spent a lot of the day asleep (which helped).

I have tried to take "me" time, but then she gets more demanding - scared, I think. Today I snapped, got frustrated because she was angry with me. I know that it was the delirium talking, but even so.

This is not meant to be a whinge or an out pouring of self-pity: if anyone could point me in the direction of a service with whom I could talk, somewhere to vent and get advice, I would be truly grateful.