Who stole my strong

I can relate to the feeling of It can't be. My hubby has had a shorter journey than you, just a year since being diagnosed with a rare sarcoma. Surgery removed it all so they thought but we've just learned it has spread to his lungs. I was not expecting the Do you want to know how long question. 12 to 18 months if chemo works, probably more like 6 if not. But he looks well and feels ok, just tired.

I am struggling to cope, its still quite raw, he is quite upbeat. I understand averages, I do know that estimates are just that but he has other health issues which could play a part.

My brains hurts too, I don't have answers, but we muddle through day by day don't we? Sending you a virtual hug x

JayM

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's a crazy world living with an ongoing cancer roller coaster situation. My husband similarly looks better than his condition would suggest, and he's finding it really hard to balance his energy levels.

He is on fortnightly chemo and an immunotherapy treatment too. Stage 4 metastatic bowel cancer, spread to liver and lungs. Began in March. It's exhausting for him and us too! 

He is doing his best- Last weekend he was up to gardening but ended up overdoing everything. He was at an appointment today with the palliative care team and they were insistent that he needs to cut back massively- we shall see how that goes.

Like your hubby he has been told 12-18 months. 

Not sure if anything I've said will be helpful but you are not alone! Sending a virtual hug and an online cuppa, 

Xx

It is good to feel less alone. My hubby seems quite well at the moment, its so hard to take in. He's upbeat, which is good, I'm the one falling apart on a regular basis. Waiting is awful, now waiting for more scans, heart check etc before he can begin chemo. They are now looking to change his chemo to one that's marginally better for the heart but its really only 50/50 to work, but its worth a try.

Are any ot you still working? I am, work gives me something else to thnk about, but I'm also thinking about taking early retirement. Don't want to make a rash decision though.

I am still working, as you say it's really helpful some days. My hope is to continue to work although I have reduced my hours. It's good to go somewhere that I am other than a partner and parent! 

It's good to have a routine - for me at least! 

My partner has incurable pancreatic cancer and will be commencing palliative chemotherapy in a couple of weeks.  At our last visit to the oncologist he was told to 'sort things out'.  We don't know how long he has but he is scheduled for 6 months of chemo.  I feel absolutely devastated and heartbroken.  After we left the oncologist I cried until I had a severe headache and had to go to bed.  I cry several times a day and just keep physically holding on to him.  I don't want to let him go.  He is not yet as poorly as your hubby but I know how you must feel and my heart goes out to.  I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will make you feel better only that others are feeling sad for you as I am. xx

I am 71 and retired now and spend most of the time on my own although I keep myself busy.  I only have one friend and my son and his wife although they live almost 3 hours away so I don't see them very often.  My partner is 75.  I can't bear to think of life without him and I feel as though I have already lost him.  He has incurable pancreatic cancer and is due to begin palliative chemotherapy in a couple of weeks.  He's had most of his pancreas removed and they thought it was all clear following 6 months of chemo but it has come back.  It hasn't spread but he is in pain.  My partner is self-employed and still doing a little bit of work although he tires easily. Why don't you cut down your hours rather than retire?  You will still have company when the inevitable happens.  I shall be alone. xx

Hello wellwisher.

I feel the same, I cry a lot and I don't have family nearby. I don't want to imagine life without him, but thoughts creep into my head all the time.

I want to work as long as I can, and thankfuly, my boss is very good and I can work flexibly. 

I looked for support groups locally but could not find anything, so online it is. 

2 weeks ago my beautiful, gentle loving husband passed away.
He completed radiotherapy for salivary and lymph node cancer in Feb. 
All clear scan in April.  
Found new lump July.   
Scan showed aggressive widespread return in liver, spine, neck and brain stem.
Given 3 to 6 months with chemo on 28th August.  
We got 4 weeks.

But what I want to say is that in those 4 weeks, as my vibrant, funny, energetic soulmate became weaker before my eyes, struggling to talk, eat and then breath we prepared as well as enjoyed our time together.

We made sure the mortgage, car, insurance and utilities were put in our joint names. 
We joined our bank accounts. 
We planned (and paid for) his funeral so I wouldn’t have to do it alone. 
We made videos of him and us. (though I’m not sure if this was right as now I see the slower, hesitant man)

One thing he did not do was give me his phone and computer passwords as we thought we would have a little more time. 
I became highly agitated and panicked that I could not access our photos all stored on his laptop or his contacts and emails. 
I have had to accept that they are all gone.

It is devastating watching the one you adore fade and all you can do is make their time easier.

Hold hands. Tell each other how much you mean to each other. 
Talk.

At the moment I feel ripped apart. But we had time when so many others don’t.

Your post really resonates with me. My husband died on the 17th of June and we also made efforts to ‘prepare’ for the inevitable, (although with varying degrees of success.)

I am not very good with computers beyond what I need for day to day essentials, but I know someone who is, and they say please don’t stress about the loss of your photos or contacts. It is absolutely possible to access your husband’s computer even without his passwords. I hope that might bring you a little bit of comfort in all of this horror.

A big hug to you.

Daisy (Deborah)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and thank you for sharing what you did in your last weeks together.  Very sensible.  I plan to sort out as much as I can before it is too late.  I am sure there are people who can unlock the phone and computer for you so that you do not lose your last memories.

x