The loss before loss

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I am a young woman (under 30) currently 28 weeks pregnant with my first child.
in March 2024 my mum shared the news that she had terminal cancer after a 6 month remission period from colon cancer. She has been given around 18 months to live. She is currently on palliative chemo although due to her not being well enough she has not been able to have this weekly chemo for 4 weeks now. In the last 2 weeks we have begun to see a marked deterioration in her health. Her mobility is very much reduced, she has no appetite and is not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a day.
My mum has always been the glue of the family, she keeps us all going and has always been there for me. She was always a fearless, strong and tenacious woman (also a nurse so stubborn!) and now she is a shell of herself and just so weak. I’m now struggling not only with coming to terms that she may not survive long enough meet her grandson, but I feel like we are losing her self before she’s actually gone.
I just don’t know how I am supposed to cope with this, how I can support her or what I can do to feel that I have done enough. How has anyone else navigated this?

GRANNY59 2 months ago

Hi Forest1607 welcome to the forum. There isn't any guide sadly for how to navigate any of these situations except to rely on our own inbuilt feelings and thoughts. I cannot even begin to imagine how you will be feeling and with a baby on the way it makes the whole situation so much more sad. However, I'm reading what a tenacious woman your mum is and I'm sure that you will have inherited some of that tenacity from her even though you won't think so. We are here for you as you need us to be and I'm sending some huge big hugs your way for now. X you will always be enough and have done enough as far as your mum is concerned and her opinion is the only one that really matters. X

gail

Forest1607 2 months ago in reply to GRANNY59

Thank you so much for your kind words. They have given me food for thought xx

Louise274933 2 months ago

Hello, I completely understand where your coming from. I'm currently 25 weeks and my dad had just found that his lung cancer has spread to the brain. We had brilliant news that his lung cancer was stable and we would take a break and re start treatment in November to get him through christmas and to see our little boy. You need to stay as positive as possible. I cry every night in the bath with my own fears but when I visit my dad I try and stay strong and remind he has done it once, he can do it again. His mind has deteriorated rapidly within days but hoping once steroids have kicked in, we can see what treatments available.

Try to look after yourself as much as possible, I completed understand it's hard but keep thinking about your mum getting better. My dad too lost his appetite during chemo and went down to 5 stone and from April to August he put on 5 stone and is now just over 10.

Thinking of you all

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