Getting help for my sister end of life

Hi Owlet2 

I'm not a member of this forum but noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet. Responding to you will 'bump' it back to the top of the discussion list again.

x

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. It must be tough for you, you live so far away and now with your husband's health issues, you have a lot on your plate.

My dad has terminal bowel cancer, he's on palliative care for over a year but unfortunately we're getting towards the end of the journey. His cancer had spread all over the place. At the beginning, carers came to our house 4 times a day but after a month my brother quit his job to look after my dad full time. When the hospital discharged my dad, they arranged for the carers. I'm not sure how it works but where I live, carers are free for 6 weeks after being discharged from hospital and then social services do an assessment of your finances to see how much you have to pay towards the care. We didn't pursue this further cos my brother took over the carer role. Our palliative care team has told us we can have an overnight carer once in a while if we need a break. Our GP calls us once a month and always asks how we are coping, do we need carers to help. 

So maybe you can check with the GP and see what is available and see if they can make a referral? Or maybe check with your local council/social services. I'm sure someone can point you in the right direction. Or maybe ask the palliative care team to see if they have any suggestion. If money isn't an issue, maybe you can consider paid carers?

Sorry I'm not much help, I'm clutching at straws. Maybe someone else on this forum who's experienced this can give you more concrete advice. Good luck with everything.

Thank you you’ve been very helpful. Just knowing we’re not alone is a blessing. I was married to an alcoholic and in Alcoholics Anonymous we were told that the alcoholic has the illness but the family has the spots. I think it is also true of cancer. 

Hi Owlet2....I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I hope your husbands tests/diagnosis are soon sorted. You must feel very torn between being a good wife&sister! It's overwhelming&exhausting. 

We've been through a similar situation with my Dad&not knowing what help he was entitled to, or how to ask for it. We were told lots of conflicting information but eventually found my Dad's GP was the point of contact for making referrals to the palliative care team&the hospice eventually. Our local hospice were amazing and so helpful when I rang them in sheer desperation! They sent 2 of their nurses round the same day to see my Dad&talk to my Mum about getting the help they needed&deserved. 

Please don't be too proud to ask for help....your sister needs it&deserves to be well looked after and cared for.....and so do you! Look after yourself. Sending love&strength to you all. 

Let us know how you get on. Take care. Xx