Terminal secondary bowel cancer

Hi Nightmare

Welcome to the Online Community. I am really sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis of cancer. 

I hope that you are having support from Dad's CNS and hospital. 

It is very natural to feel many different emotions when someone in your family has a diagnosis and I have found the best thing is to talk to others who will understand how you feel. Even writing it out on here can help. Cancer can feel very overwhelming and scary. 

If talking things through would help them please do give the Support Line a call. They will understand how you are feeling and will want to offer support. 

I had chemo myself and at times it can make you feel really poorly and look poorly. I tried to think of it that if it was making me feel that unwell - then it would hopefully be doing the same to the cancer cells. 

I can understand that your Dad is liking to keep his independence. With cancer it can seem a bit like everything is out of control so that independence and feeling able to do things can feel important. There will be ways though that you can support your Dad in ways that he will appreciate. Just being there for him will help, to know that you are at the end of the phone. Sometimes its little practical things that can make the most difference- taking a meal around, things for the freezer, picking up prescriptions, someone to take care of the hospital appointments. Even a bit of housework to make things around him tidy. Changing his duvet etc- its the little things sometimes. You might find Dad's appetite is not great so something I appreciated was when people bought round snacky foods and drinks. Has he got any favourite biscuits etc that might tempt him. Also toiletries can be good- hand gel, wipes, things to freshen up with. Although Dad likes to do his own things you can maybe try to help him with them, rather than him feel you are doing them for him, if that makes sense. 

I found that at times I did want to talk about the cancer but at other times I wanted to do normal things and not focus on it. What does Dad normally like to do? Think along those lines- company when watching a film, computer games, puzzles, cup of tea and a chat, short walk with him to the shop (if he feels well enough) 

I will pop a link to some info that may help generally and it also has the different ways you can contact Macmillan for support.

Supporting someone with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support

I see you have also joined the Carers group and there will be people on there who will want to offer support. Even reading through previous posts can sometimes help. 

I hope that your Dad's treatment goes as well as possible and if there is anything you need or want to ask please do so.

Jane

I know how you must be feeling. My mom was diagnosed early January with oesophogus and lung cancer, it’s simply floored me. She always likes to stay at mine once in a while but now doesn’t want to. She lives alone as my dad passed 6 yrs ago, i hate her having cancer and being alone. I try to go to her house daily before or after work. I take her shopping if she feels well enough in a wheelchair. I do some housework for her and make soups and food she likes. It’s draining but I keep thinking and dreading the day I don’t have her anymore. I haven’t talked to her about her cancer and don’t know how to, does she want to? How do i approach the conversation? She told me the other day her nerves are shattered and that’s why her stomachs going over so I know she’s scared which then makes me upset knowing how she must be feeling. I now can’t stop wondering how long it will be before she starts to decline and this frightens me, every time I call her i ask how she is, i dread to think she’s going to get worse. We don’t know  how long my mom has left, I would like to know but then I don’t want to know. My minds also in turmoil  You are not alone, just be there for your dad, I keep thinking I don’t want any regrets. Stay strong for him, I’m trying my hardest to for my mom but it is so hard. My thoughts are with you