How to manage/ watch for deterioration

Oh, dear!  How stressful these times are for you.  I‘m glad that hospice is coming today.  You are definitely in my thoughts and will remain in my thoughts.  You are strong.  I will write more later.  Our day is just beginning.  Dave showered himself but need time and help dressing.  As you know, little things can be so difficult for our husbands.  Sadly I don‘t expect my husband to get better, but I hope I can help him continue at a gentle and slow pace.  As always, I send you lots of love and strength.  I hope you‘ll get to hug your daughter soon!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words and I have you have a good day x

How was your day?  Hopefully not as hard or stressful as you feared ….  Is your daughter back with you?

It‘s been another day … alright but some challenges and worries.  Husband gets so out of breath, so wiped out by little activity.  He‘s coping; he‘s managing.  It seems that the best I can do is to support him as much as I can, as much as he will accept, just be there for him, though as you know, it‘s not so easy.  I am quite tired and think I will go to bed, do some „“escapist“ reading before sleep.

It was a pretty bad day. The hospice nurse arrived and agreed he needed to go to hospital so he was admitted yesterday afternoon. We’re waiting on his bloods and chest x ray results but he is very confused and sleepy. They fitted a catheter last night as he is too weak to stand to use the pee bottle. His breathing is very wheezy. With him today but he has been sleeping since I got here an hour ago. My daughter comes home this afternoon and I have to tell her that Daddy is back in hospital. :( I hope you are having a better time. Reading is also my solace xx

I hope you don’t mind me interrupting but I think the Hospice is the best place for him and it is the right thing to do now. He will get all he needs to be comfortable and you can spend time with your daughter and get some much needed rest. That’s not selfish it’s essential for your own well being. I think you are heroic having struggled at home all this time. I read your posts and empathise because I know we have this all to come. 

You are on the final leg which must be very upsetting, but hopefully more peaceful and well managed for both of you. 

My husband is in denial and thinks he will be walking and driving if he just perseveres. He has been advised not to drive because of his strong pain meds. I admire his determination but it is a battle and I don’t like to squash his hope, or say very much, but inside I am very afraid of him falling and how bad he will be in the future.. He has Stage 4 renal cancer spread to his pelvic bone, with a short prognosis. 
I feel like I am already grieving. 

I fully admire your strength of spirit. 

Oh dear!  What an upsetting time for you.  I too am struggling with emotion and crying and worries, though my husband isn’t as ill as yours … yet.  We are managing, though he mostly just rests/snoozes/sleeps.  When he walks, he gets so out of breath, very difficult to watch, as you well know.

I trust they are keeping your husband as comfortable as possible.  I know how difficult this has to be for you with so many strong emotions and question plus concern for your daughter.  At least you have grandparents to help with that.

We will try another car outing today.  I packed flask of tea and little food for later.  Fortunately that infection he had last week has subsided.  I will write more later.  Remember that you are in my thoughts.  I understand and relate to your struggles as I have my own similar struggles.  As always, lots of love and hugs.

Not interrupting at all and thank you for your reply. I definitely have spent the last year or so going through some kind of anticipatory grief so fully relate to the fact that you feel you are already grieving. It is devastating and the world carries on as normal and you just want to scream that nothing is normal anymore and how can they not know. 

so sorry to hear about your husbands prognosis. My husband also has renal cancer with spread to the psoas muscle (which has eroded through his hip bone), peritoneal cavity, lungs, liver, and several lymph nodes. He was also in denial for a long time but I know it was this denial and stoicism that has kept him fighting as long as he has so I am grateful for it on balance as it has given us more time together. Sadly, over the last month things have gotten so bad that he seems to have accepted how things will go and this is hard to see. Sending you strength xxx

Thank you so much and I do hope you make it out today. Make as many memories as you can and get out whilst he is still able as you don’t know if and when he might not be able to anymore . Take care and best wishes for a brighter day for you xx

Thank you for your reply, Charlotte. I do admire your presence of mind under such difficult circumstances. 
The thing about this site is that you can tell it like it is and people appreciate that. No pretence that everything is fine! People outside, you are right, have no idea what’s really going on. 

sending love and light to carry on ………

Thank you so much xxx