My dad has been in hospital for a month now. He went in with an extremely painful right side. They thought it was kidney stones. They sent him home after finding a lump in his groin so they did a biopsy and sent him home with oramorph and said he will have to 2 weeks for the results. Q week later he had a heart attack and was rushed back into hospital on the cardiac ward. He's been there a month now and after me and mum going to see him everyday and even saying hello to his doctor no one told us anything until a family meeting on Tuesday where a heart consultant told us he had incurable skin cancer which has spread to his lymphnodes. 4 weeks of being there and no one told us a thing until yesterday. No one even told us he had, had a heart attack until today. It gets worse as they gave him an overdose of morphine yesterday and had to reverse it so he was so out of it to the extent of he fell out of his bed and hurt himself now he is on no morphine or anything. Is this normal to not be told a single thing for a month then to be told he has 6 months without pallative chemo and 18+ with. But he might not be able to have it. I'm getting phone calls from ct departs asking for my dad, letters saying he's missed his scans and they are important even though he is already in hospital. I'm so lost. There is only the 4 of us and even though everyday we ask to speak to the doctor he is always to busy. I don't know what to do. If anyone could advise us on anything or how to cope. Thanks
Hello Sammy88
I am really sorry that your Dad has been so unwell. It seems that you have a huge amount on your plate at the moment. The lack of communication from Dad's doctors must be very frustrating. It must have come as a huge shock to be told that he has had a heart attack and also skin cancer. To also be given the incorrect amount of morphine, causing a fall must be really upsetting and worrying.
You are doing the right thing in asking to speak to his doctor and it is not ok that he is too busy. You have every right to speak with someone. It seems to me that the different doctors/nurses/depts are not communicating efficiently with each other- I had a similar thing when I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2022. I had my diagnosis, was getting phone calls and letters from different people each day and no one really knew what was going on. I had not been told about treatment or who to contact and seemed not to have a named contact, email or phone number to called. What I did and I am wondering if it may help your family, was to contact my GP via an online consultation. Every time I had been seen or had any tests done my GP was sent the information electronically. Sometimes he even had the information before me. I wonder whether it may be worth you contacting the GP, explaining Dad is in hospital, has had a heart attack, has skin cancer and that you are not getting the information you need from anyone and that you just need to be told what is going on.
My GP was able to contact the consultant directly through an internal mail system (I did not even have a name at this point) and my GP arranged an appointment the following day to discuss things and move things forward. I wonder if the GP requesting a formal family meeting, with Dad present, would help. Dad should also have a CNS (cancer nurse specialist) which should be the first port of call for the skin cancer diagnosis. The GP might also be able to find out/contact the correct department for Palliative care. Although it is good that you have been able to have a family meeting with the heart consultant, I feel that you do need to have one with the oncologist and the person who is ultimately looking after Dad's care.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with all this and I hope that you will be able to get something sorted to get some answers. In the meantime if you feel talking things through would help, then please give the Support Line a call. They are lovely on there. The number is below if you feel this would help.
Jane
