Feeling guilty not spending much time with my dying husband

I understand. It’s so hard and so draining and you want the suffering to end. But spend every moment with him you can. When he’s gone, it’s so empty. The relief felt for them, when someone’s suffering is ended, is short lived. In my experience. It’s just the beginning. Love being with him. And tell him you do. Over and over again. Big hugs. It’s hard. xxx

HI

I get it.  We're not quite as far along the road, although we have been told G's DVT could blow at any moment and is more likely to end this quickly than the tumour is. 

His brain tumour has "stolen" the person he was and most of the time it feels as though I have a broken stranger living in my home. Like you I am grateful of the distraction of work. 

The distance hit me and the kids about seven weeks ago when the dr at the hospice told us it was time to say all the things we wanted to say to him as she feared he only had days. I realised that I had nothing left to say and neither did our son or daughter. 

Watching this unfold is beyond cruel and like you I just wish it would end swiftly and peacefully. It would be a kindness if it did. 

Time will tell about whether I will regret feeling like this.

sending love and light and hugs

Wee Me xx

My heart goes out to you, as watching a loved one like this brings up so many emotions. 
My mum died three weeks today. I was really struggling with the responsibility and had been for a while. I did not want to loss my mum. But I felt so drained and so busy trying to think of everything she needed. 
I regret now not holding her hand more and just sitting and being with her. I am still not clear if her passing occurred quickly but I had no one to say the end is getting nearer until it was too late. 
At the time it felt like her illness had gone on and on. But I wish I had had a different mindset, as I was not prepared for the pain of grief and loosing her. I now realise that the time was short that I was caring for her and now I am left with out her, I cannot begin to express how painful it is. 
what I do know is we do what we think is best at the time and seeing our loved ones suffer is incredibly difficult. 
just make sure you have said what you want to say and if you want to have videos of them or specific memory’s gather them. I didn’t think past the caring for her and I so wish I had thought more about what I wanted to say. Sending lots of love 

Hey, lovely, I am so sorry. This is such an unexplainable time indeed.

It's ok to feel ANYTHING, and acceptance is key. Don't be hard on yourself. You are struggling with the loss of who your hubby was already.

No one can tell you what's the best thing to do, it's an individual experience. If you are worrying about regret, then maybe that's telling you something.

My Mum is in palliative care with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and we were told she had 3-5 months, 5 months ago. I flew back from New Zealand to be with her 6 weeks ago, after only just visiting her in June. And the core family feels in limbo, not knowing how long she has left, mixed with the release for all once she's passed.

As a family, we are honest about our internal conflict, about living in limbo, versus losing her. The question is often, I wonder how long she will live, it's impossible to know.

But it's important to say how you feel. The ugly truth is that most of us want a smooth, quick landing for our loved ones and have the thoughts of wishing it would come soon.

Pleadon'ton;t be too hard on yourself xox 

You can message me anytime. I am also an experienced life coach.

Love and hugs Caron xox

Thanks for replying. I keep telling myself I'm doing the best I can. The time for talking in our case was 2 or 3 weeks ago, when we could still look at photos together. My husband can no longer talk clearly enough or keep focussed enough, due to the cancer, to hold a conversation. He is very hard of hearing, due to the cancer, and didn't have time for hearing aids to be designed - so relies on a phone app and headphones to amplify everything enough to hear anything at all. He has terrible doubled vision from the cancer, so prefers to keep his eyes shut. He is mostly asleep. I can only bear to sit on the bed holding his hand for short periods - it is heartbreaking. It already feels incredibly lonely in our house, but this frail shell that was once my husband is still with us.

All you can do is what feels right for you and your family. The journey can be so different for everyone. 
If you need distractions to cope do it. 
the situation you face is heartbreaking . Sending love xx

I’ve only just joined and your post resonates so much with me. We’ve been together for 40 years. Our relationship has never been easy and yet I am feeling the same guilt about acknowledging the fact that it would be better if he would go soon. He is angry and bored and resentful... I am sending you best wishes and sympathy for your thoughts and honesty.

So sorry to. hear how you are now feeling, following your mother's death.  You are absolutely right though: you do what you think is best at the time, and nobody can fault you for that.  I hope over time (and perhaps with support/counselling) you are able to come to terms with how you feel about those last days with your mum.  Focusing on caring for her, rather than addressing your own needs, is both understandable and commendable.  Please be kind to yourself x