Dad

Hi Walshy welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry to hear the news that you have had  as a family and how you are feeling. It is not surprising  that you are struggling with this as it has all come on you very suddenly and seems completely unreal, like it could  be happening  to someone else rather than you. I can relate to how you are feeling, though I was a bit older than you when my dad died, but my Dad had a limited time as he had Pancreatic Cancer which had spread to his liver. 

I dont know what to say to you to make any of this any better or easier because its not, its crap and shit and not what any of us would want.

Spend as much time as you can with your Dad chatting, tell him that you love him and he may have things he wants to say to you as well, I know my Dad did.

Thinking  of you and some huge big hugs your way  for now. 

Thankyou Gail, that’s what I’m trying to do spend as much time with him and also the family, it’s so hard as my children and my sister’s children know there grandad is poorly but we haven’t said anything to them yet, we were going to wait till my dad looked poorly but when will that be, the children arnt daft and I think they realise something is wrong , telling teenagers and children a bit younger that they are going to see grandad is hard because all they want to do is hang with there friends, now I know if we told them they would come over but having to tell my children this is about as hard as knowing my dad is dying, I just think why me, my dad has had it hard over the years with his health and he has always bounced back, but this time there is no bouncing back from this. 
Im sorry to hear about your dad too. 

Matt. 

Hi Matt, 

No advice to offer but on a similar journey. My Dad has leukaemia. He has been having curative treatment for the last 18 months but recently discovered it has returned and prognosis is a matter of months. 

I'm a similar age and Dad is only 61. We also have young children and teenagers in the family and the idea of telling them is completely overwhelming. 

They of course have known that Grandad is unwell but we have always been able to tell them he'll get better. No idea how to even start to change that narrative  

Hi, thanks for the reply, my dad is 70 and I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I really don’t know where to start with telling my children they adore their grandad and to them he is indestructible, telling them will be me accepting it and I haven’t yet and I don’t think I will untill the day it happens but I know I need to as they are not daft and realise something is wrong. We have a big family picnic planned for this Sunday to make happy memories with all the family and we were thinking of telling the children a day or so after that, how ever and when ever I know it’s going to be hard but I also have to be strong and be there for my children as they are children and are going to be so upset and angry like we all are with this shitty disease, being able to chat on here has helped me as I’ve not really spoke about it other than family. 

Funny you should say that, we have a long weekend planned with my parents, siblings and all our children. We've also spoken about telling the kids afterwards and letting them enjoy this special treat with Grandad first. Will be thinking of you on Sunday. Please report back and we can share stories early next week.

That is exactly what we thought, let the children enjoy this happy day with grandad , not being upset or awkward around dad and making memories that will last a life time. I wish you a lovely weekend with your family making special memories and I will definitely get back to you next week to see how you got on. 

Hi, just getting back to you, we had a lovely picnic dad had to go home early , I hope you had a lovely weekend with your family.  We told the girls when we got back and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, telling them grandad is not going to get better and there is no treatment that will help him. Bombarded with questions when is he going to die will he be here for Christmas, I tried my best to answer them as truthful as I could , all I could do was say we haven’t got as much time as we thought with grandad, how could I tell them that there grandad won’t be here for Christmas. I tell you what this shitty disease has a lot to answer too. 

matt. 

Hi walshy .

Sorry for the position you find yourself in and my heart goes out to you. 

My partner of 22yrs was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer and we battled for 3yrs.

I was clueless to what stage 4 meant and I just went on the adverts on TV,thinking cancer treatment had gone a long way and I was hopeful.

We never got a time scale to say how long she had ,but we got many  a bad news which ate away at me.

We managed to squeeze a caravan holiday away at Robin Hoods Bay.This was so special and unforgettable. 

This unfortunate event will be a roller-coaster and test every emotion.

You need to be brave and strong for everyone. When times get to much try and spend time away from others and the children. 

 There is gonna be tough times ahead ,try and make memories and look after yourself aswell .

I lost my partner 5th May 2023,she was 42yrs old.

She was my everything.

I loved her so dearly and miss her every day.

I've had counciling and am now waiting for more.

I have turned to poems to reflect how I am feeling on a certain day.

I personally find this has helped me and I tend to carry on.

My thoughts are with you.

Hi Matt, 

We've returned home from our weekend away this morning. It was an incredible weekend and Dad tried his best to join in but he was noticeably tired. He's lost lots of weight and appears very frail. Wve told the children now too. The hardest bit was them asking why it had to happen to such a close family and why when Grandad is so young. Wish I had all the answers for them Hoping that the return to school and normality tomorrow will be a welcome distraction. 

Hi Walshy

I totally understand what you are going through as my dad was also told his cancer has spread to his liver and its untreatable.  Today we had the hospital bed go into the house and my mum told me the morphine is already there in a bag at the back of the sofa! I, like you can't accept it and get my head around it. He's beeb given steroids which have perked him up a bit and he's now eating a bit, so I now don't know where I am in my head.  I also can't get my head around it. I cry everyday. Ppl ask me how my dad is and I just can't talk about it. I dont mean to suddenly talk about me, but just wanted you to know I'm in the same boat! Not sure if that helps or not really!  Sorry