Fluctuating emotions

Hi Diane, I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I could have written this myself, it's like a rollercoaster of emotions isn't it. I don't have any answers I just wanted you to know that you ate not alone & it's not selfish to feel this way at all.

We were told back in June 21 that Dad only had 6 months and wouldn't see Christmas 21. I'm happy to say he has fought thus like a true warrior and we've had just over 2 years making memories. During that time I think I've felt just about every emotion going. The only advice I can give is to try not to be too hard on yourself & allow yourself to let the emotions pass over you. Embrace the good days as I'm sure your dad would want you to.

We're very close to the end now with our Dad & some days I cry all day & others I smile. 

Sending love to you & your family xx

Hi, thank you so much for your reply.  I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

Wow, your dad has absolutely fought like a trooper, it's amazing that you had that extra time with him, but I'm so sorry he's nearing the end. It must be devastating,  but I'm glad you are still able to smile.

I'm sad that you do know how I feel, but also relieved,  if that doesn't sound callous.  I keep reminding myself that millions of people go through this heartache.  But, after losing my mum to cancer 30 years ago, I didn't think our family would be so unlucky again. Although he feels relatively okay at the moment,  he's constantly tired. The sort of constant fatigue that cancer inflicts on you. I'm so very sad. It's my brother's birthday tomorrow.  He has learning difficulties,  so we haven't told him about dad, but hoping to make the day special.  Although again, it's probably/possibly the last birthday he'll have with dad, and then I feel doubly sad all over again.

Sorry for rambling!

I wish all the best for you and your family,  and thanks again for taking the time to write. Sending love and strength. Xx

Hi 

Just wanted to check in & see how you are today. How was your brother's birthday?

No it doesn't sound callous, I understand completely what you mean - I wouldn't want to anyone to feel how I feel right now but at the same time it's good to know that there are people who do understand.

Like you say, millions of people go through this heartbreak but I honestly do not know how they get through it. I can't imagine my life without my amazing dad being in it. It's such a horrible disease and watching him go from a big strong proud father to not having the energy to get out of bed just breaks my heart.

Much love to you xx

Hi

It is so kind of you to ask. Thank you.  My brother's birthday was okay, but I was watching dad like a hawk, for any glimpse of a wince of pain. He didn't eat much but he's attributing that to not being able to chew. I'm not so sure.

I'm back at work today, but can't seem to focus. I popped out to get dad some ginger shots that people are raving about. I think I've got to the desperate stage where I'm willing to try anything. 

I totally understand what you said.  Like yours, dad was always big and strong,  the protector,  the head of our very small family.  He seems to be shrinking before my eyes, and every time my brother is out of earshot, he asks me to look after him,  which I've always promised to do. 

Everything is tinged with deep sadness. It's all so unfair. 

I guess the only thing is,I know we'll both get through this, however hard and sad it is, because that's what we have to do. This site, and speaking to people like you,  has been a godsend. I'm so grateful. Thank you. 

Love to you and your family too.  Sending strength.  Xx