My husband has incurable cancer

Even when our lives are turned upside down when the folks we love most have Cancer - we carry on knowing that the load isn't going to get lighter.  Stress is so hard to control - it's there even when we feel calm.   My husband has his 3 mthly Scan tomorrow and then 2 weeks later the all important call.  I have been in Heart failure for 2 yrs and though I am mainly fine,  there are days when I am working on half speed and I cannot bear thinking about the future without him. .  For me when my Heart 'kicks off' I sit and take my mind off the rapid beat...knitting, Computer puzzles, reading No....hopefully you will find your 'escape' method. All of us are in the same BOAT,  keep rowing and whatever the destination we will be there to Love & Care. xx

My husband has bile duct cancer which has spread. I feel there's not much time left. We have tried to stay positive  but it's getting  really tough. Keep positive,  value every day and makevsure your kids get support xx

I so understand your feelings. My husband had only one dose of chemo and it has annihilated him. He’s now in hospital with bloated tummy and legs. It’s horrid for him and I’m a total basket case! 
Similar to Bowling Stone my heart has started to play up - I guess it’s because it’s breaking. 

• I’m so sorry to read this. I understand, my loved one has had one round and it’s knocked them so much, they contracted an infection, potentially sepsis and have been in hospital for 2.5 weeks now. I think over the past 2 months of finding out the diagnosis, they’ve been in hospital for 5 weeks out of those 2. One time at 3am, we got messages of them begging for us to come to the hospital, because they were hallucinating due to the medications. They’re completely immobile now and it’s heartbreaking. Trying to stay positive but I’ll be honest - what is positive about any of this? We always put on a positive face and front, but they’ve given up and I understand if I’d been in hospital this much pumped full of medication and knowing you won’t get better, we probably would too. Feeling frustrated and angry that we’ve been robbed of years. People advise to make the most of the time, but we can’t plan anything or do anything because since diagnosis each week, they’ve deteriorated and it’s been something else. It’s also quite hard to just watch the world go on, when ours is falling. Sorry for the rant, but it’s just hard. 

I hear you and totally understand. I just can’t envisage my life without my husband.  Yet I must face reality.  
message me whenever and I will do my best give you a virtual hug. X 

I hear you and empathise with the, not being able to plan ahead, envying other people enjoying and getting on with their lives and being pessimistic about the future - because really what is there to look forward to when the diagnosis is terminal? And yet while there is life left we must try and find some pleasure in the little things each day. Fresh flowers, our pets, a new item of clothing, tasty food - time spent  with family- Even if your partner cannot fully enjoy these things I know my husband likes to see that I do. There is always something if you can take time to appreciate and share it to lift the mood of their last days here. 
We are stronger than we think. I see the devastation in Morocco after the earthquake and think well, at least we are  not there and we are not dead yet! 

Thank you all, for your understanding and letting this be a platform to rant. My loved one finally got discharged only for them to be back in a few days later. Thank you for your positivity and those poor people in Morocco, you’re right sometimes it easy to look around at what everyone else has but also look at those people that have lost everything. 

I can relate to what you are all sharing. My husband has end stage metastatic colorectal cancer. We were told at the start of August that he had just weeks to live. I am watching every symptom and at times can hardly breathe with wondering is this it? He is swelling up rapidly and retaining fluid. He uses oxygen to help him sleep at night because of the tumours that have encroached on his lung space. I lie awake listening to him breathe thanking God that he is still here and forcing myself to stay in the present cos when I think of the future without him I can’t bear it. Everyone has their struggles, but this disease is a beast. I am in awe of all those who have it and continue to face each new day with courage and love. 

Hello Plum 1972. Firstly, to have voiced what you are going through is an incredible thing to do. Give yourself a hug for that. From a different situation I can offer you encouragement to meet others who have been or are going through similar situations. Help with counselling and trying to live each day at a time has helped me.  Watching someone go through paliatative chemotherapy is daunting and there is little you can do other than be yourself. I have relied  for over 50 years on my husband. I reflect on the past too often. i feel I have been frivolous and selfish and the thought about being on my own was not going to be a problem. In real terms  Now the self doubt hits all the time now. A big family and good friends are really helpful but I find expressing my fears and doubts as if I'm burdening people. I try to separate the two worries and slowly put one thing into place, tick it and then go to the next. I dream at night of all the negative things I have done in the past and mistakes I've made. They don't help and on waking I try to just get into another place and deal with small things one at a time. 

Asking and finding help in your situation  must be exhausting. I can only encourage you to keep on doing what you can. Know that others become overwhelmed and send love to you.

This is a bit wordy and long but hope it helps

Take as much care of yourself as you can .

I feel for everyone in the group. I have had 18 blissful years and now suddenly my husband is dying. Sadly we didn’t have children together so I am going to be very reliant on his sons and families. I feel extremely alone and realise everything which I took for granted, going out on a whim, holidays, cooking have come to an abrupt stop. The house feels enormous, empty and silent. 
It is truly hell on earth.