My elderly dad was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer about 10 days ago. I am staying a lot with my parents, to support them. But already I sadly see deterioration in my dad and today he had what I can only describe as a choking/sickness episode when eating, which was so frightening. Until now he had been strong, but I saw him today, I believe, accept his fate, and now he doesn’t want to risk eating. How do we get through this at home? I’m in pieces. And can the palliative team make him comfortable through the worst parts that I now imagine could now come in the future. Sorry to be so graphic and negative. But I’m so scared for him.
It’s full of love so I think that’s the main takeaway from your posts 
. You can’t sugar coat the reality and it is going to be what it is; so having the facts in terms of what is happening for your Dad is sad but also helpful. Big hugs to you!
Later today Dad had a very difficult time with his bowels. It is probably the morphine, not eating and inability to keep down laxative combined. I won’t go into details but he tried to resolve the constipation himself, he felt that bad. But he didn’t tell us he felt that bad. 
If your loved one is on morphine or feeling constipated, get them early help. Ask them if they are in pain or feel bad. I think dad was too proud and too worried to want to call the nurse. He was worried he would have to go to hospital.
He’s all clean now and in bed again. But he felt terrible earlier and a wonderful palliative nurse came out to give him suppositories. Which have helped. Maybe a bit too much. But we are coping. He was so happy to see and speak with the nurse. He feels better looked after.
The palliative team suggested he would now be better in the Hospice and they have referred him and he has a space. He is going by ambulance tomorrow morning. My mother and I will go with him. Mixed feelings of sadness and relief. But mostly sadness. However, dad is happy about it and says it’s the right time.
It hit my mum that it may well be the final time she goes up to bed with dad. She has coped well with this whole period. She has been, largely, cheerful for dad. I think possibly in denial a little, maybe, with some moments of dawning as to what is really happening. Perhaps it was her way of coping and getting through what has been a dreadful time. But it hit her very hard tonight.
But we all know that it is time for dad to be cared for by experts now and for us to support him there. It will be so sad to see him leave his home. The beautiful home he built and strove for, for us all. But he will hopefully, I really do hope, be in a more peaceful, pain-free and properly supportive environment. And we’ll be there all the way for him. 
️️️
So today at 11am an ambulance arrived to take Dad to the hospice. Not an incredibly beautiful hospice, but the staff… could not fault them at all. He has his own room. We stayed for about 3 or 4 hours, mum was tired. We were all tired. It’s a real struggle, watching someone in such pain and discomfort.
I think Dad may have had an enema. That may help him to wee too, as bowel can impact on the bladder.
He told me he would miss me looking after him. I’ll still look after him as much as I can ️
I feel sadness but relief. The nurses were superb. Now for bed.
