End of life signs

Louise and Darling

I totally understand your feelings of anger and helplessness as you watch your loved ones suffer. I lost my husband (age 54) to the cruelness that is cancer.

As you both say, it does sadly seem as if your loved ones are nearing the end of their fight... It is so hard to watch them struggle, constantly in pain, physical and emotional. You find yourself praying for their release yet not wanting them to leave you. You shed tears of anguish, wanting their suffering to end then cry more because you want them to stay and for everything to be normal.

Sadly, there is no magic beyond medication to ease the physical pain for them. All loved ones can do is simply hold their hand and maybe chat about happy memories if it gives them comfort. Ask no more of yourself except to be there when and if you can, giving the comfort that comes from knowing they are not alone. 

Unfortunately I was denied that opportunity due to the horrendous lockdown rules which allowed me just one hour each day for the final 10 days when my husband was admitted to a hospice. 

Stay strong and remember to take care of your own needs.

Virtual hugs to you x

Sorry, 

Just noticed in my earlier Post there is a hockey stick picture?? .. not sure what that is doing there. The dangers of posting in the wee small hours when I should be sleeping !

Hi thank you for replying to this I'm so sorry for your loss your now at the other side of your journey I call it the Grief before the grief it's horrendous watching them fade away it's so painful. You said it exactly how I feel I wish for it to be over for her but then I sob thinking about the rest of my life with out her in it. I wish I was never in this situation more than anything but your right there is nothing now just be there are knowing I'm doing my best. COVID took away many peoples opportunities to properly say good by I can only imagine how hard that was for you feeling so out of control. How are you doing now grief is a hard process it never actually ends ever but you do get to a point where it hurts just a little less xxx

Pooka thank you for sharing. It means so much. I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. It helpful to us on this road: thank you. 

Darling.. I get it. Us wishing for this to end.. and then grasping every moment when they are “ok”. I can’t bear this. Everyday is consumed with grief. I’m struggling. I’m broken. I love my dad and I want to help… I can’t do anymore. I have him set up with meds.. care etc. he’s building with fluid and he’s fought so hard.. feels for nothing. It’s beat him in the end and beaten me. I hate cancer. I’m so tired.. exhausted. I’m sending you a hug again! Xxxx

I feel the same today just broke. I feel like I can't do this I want to keep my mother home and care for her I feel selfish for even thinking it coz I know it won't be forever but it's so hard being the only carer I have a job I haven't been able to get to I left her for a few hours tonight someone called in then went and shit just went wrong I feel like I can't even leave her now at all it's a lot of pressure on me. I know tomorrow is a new day and I will get on with it I'm just feeling it today on top of the emotional struggle as well as physical it's so hard 

Darling34 and Louise8321 Sorry you've both had a bad day. It's so draining trying to keep any sense of normal life and at the very least look after yourself. 

Darling34 is your employer supportive? I'm now just off sick on statutory pay because I've had so much time off dealing with this. It makes me so sad and angry how much this affects so many people. 

I'm having a bad day too, mum still very much having end of life signs, without wanting to sound too scary she's had the 'death rattle' for 36 hours now. None of us want to leave her but we're broken. Even the staff at the hospice seem surprised, her body is so frail and broken it is heartbreaking, you feel such guilt for it wanting to end but this suffering is just unbareable for everyone! 

Lots of hugs to you all x

Darling, Louise and all who are reading, 

I hope you can find a few minutes to take care of your needs. I understand your worries but you need to care for yourself in order to cope with the physical and emotional tasks that come with being a Carer.

Sending you a big hug of comfort and support.

Grief is hard and never leaves, but we do find ways of learning to live with it,  we perfect the act of telling people " I'm fine", or saying Yes, I'm getting there" Quite 'where' I don't know but it placates the person who asked and saves you the heartache of explaining that inside you are are broken.   People soon stop asking as your loss is yesterday's news to them, so you cease having to play the charade. .. But the loss remains real.

The Bereavement group on this site helps some people come to terms with grief.. chatting with folk who understand. It's all a case of taking each day, hour, minute as they come and not try to rush through the stages of grieving: the tears, loneliness, anger, loss.

One day at a time, 

Mym x

Hi my employer is very supportive but I don't know how long this could be I can't keep off months and months and a part of me wants to go back to be me i feel like iv lost all sense of a life. I'm so sorry for what your going through and your comment doesnt scare me not now. What scares me most is the fear that we will be here for months I thought once they go down hill that was the start of the end I'm starting to feel like the journey will be a very long one and I really don't want that for my mum. I hope you to are taking time to take care of your self and take it one day and one emotion at a time xxxx 

Mum passed away at 5.15am this morning while I was with her, she was the most peaceful I've seen her in weeks. I am broken but also the contact sick, anxious feeling has gone. I really hope your journey with your mum is kind as it can be. Take care x

xriax37 

So sorry to hear about your mum, but pleased that you were able to be with her and to witness that she was peaceful and pain-free at last.

My condolences to you and your family.

Take time to grieve and be kind to yourself.

Mym x