Hubby's diagnosis

Hello, and thankyou for letting me join the group. My husband has been diagnosed with bowel cancer that has spread to his liver. Unfortunately it is inoperable and uncurable so he is due to start chemo later this month to try and control it. I am working part time, caring for him and trying to keep life as possible for our boys (age 20, 17 and 12). I am already exhausted and don't know how I'm going to get through the next few years. I want to be the best I can be for my husband and children but don't really know how to look after myself too. It's just a lot x

  • Hi, maybe   will have some suggestions, as she is a carer for her mum. Xx

  • Hi 

    Welcome to the forum . Difficult days for sure . Different set of circumstances as it was my mum who had a spread to her liver but my dad had a stroke two weeks before her diagnosis and could not help . My kids were 7 and 9 at the time so I moved them in decided that was the only solution to allow me to be there for everyone. However after six months things were in a different position and they moved back home .

    The best advise I got was from a patient . To keep your mind where your body is . Not letting it go down every possible worst situation. I got up in the morning and would think “ what is required of me today “ not tomorrow or the next day and that was sufficient to get me through . I had big fails along the way but I was slowly learning to live without overly planning for the future,

    Bowel cancer actually has a lot of treatment options despite a spread to the liver . If you click on my user name you will see my mum’s story . Chemotherapy was actually very effective for her and she made it to liver surgery twice .

    You do get into a routine with chemotherapy and it actually feels slightly better as you feel something is being done to treat it . Despite not being curable there is a sub group of patients that respond well to treatment. They do reassess and add in other options where possible

    You might find this thread helpful as others have pulled together some tips for coping with chemo side effects .
    This leaflet explains the different options open to oncologist when treating a spread . They initially try and stabilise the disease and if they can gain some shrinkage . Not everyone gets this but a subgroup of patients continue to do well despite a difficult diagnosis. My mum

    is coming up 13 years this summer despite her having a spread to the liver . 
    Not easy on your children either 0808 808 0000 could point you in the right direction to access support for them too if required .

    Take care ,


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  • Thankyou, very good advice. I am a big planner and have been down some truly awful scenarios in my head. I will try to take each day as it comes.

    This is the right link to the chemo top tips . If you like to plan you can channel your skills in this thread . 

    You are certainly not alone in your thinking but we decided to consider my mum living with a difficult diagnosis until the Drs told us there were no other treatment options . That really helped us find some stronger ground and that actual conversation did not occur . 
    I am not sure the size of your husbands spread but my mum had significant disease from segment four through to 8 . However 1to 3 were clear and she ended up going to a centre of excellence for the liver and getting 73% removed . Chemo did a powerful job for her .

    You also might find some useful tips on the bowel forum .

    Take care ,


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