Can I be strong enough?

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Hi new to the group. My dad was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour 2 weeks ago, sadly he is not strong enough to have any treatment other than the op to remove as much as possible. He has come home and is now palliative. We have carers coming 3 times a day . I am struggling to try to keep it together to support my mum and dad, and am so very afraid of what is to come and whether I can be strong for them both.

I have got a sick note from work, which work were supportive of. However I felt I had to justify my reasons for needing the sick note to the GP despite saying I was struggling with the diagnosis, not sleeping etc. Just did not need to be made to feel like I am trying to wriggle out of going to work.

Just feel like my mind does not know where to put itself at the moment- think we are looking at weeks rather than months and am just truly heartbroken at the thought of losing my daddy.

  • HI Crochetgirl44

    a warm welcome to the community. SO sorry to hear about your dad. I can relate to so much of what you've shared with us. My husband (then age 50) was diagnosed with a stage4 brain tumour (glioblastoma) in Sept 2020. Nothing, absolutely nothing, prepares you for hearing that diagnosis and for the heartache of watched your loved one face it.

    All the emotions you mention are perfectly normal so please don't beat yourself up here for the way you are feeling. It's natural. We are emotional beings so feeling all of these emotions throughout the day or all at once is ok. There's no right or wrong way to feel. Those first few weeks after hearing such devastating news are tough. I cried oceans of tears for those first few weeks and months....on my rougher days, I still cry oceans. It's fine. It's allowed. Give yourself permission to cry. The strongest, most resilient among us are those who show their emotions.

    My kids were 20 and 22 when their dad was diagnosed and both went through their own separate emotional journeys here. My daughter now 22 is closer to her dad so she took it hardest at the time. She too has cried bucketloads of tears. She deferred the second semester of her final year at uni for a year as she couldn't cope with work (she's a mental health nurse) uni and with what was happening so something had to give for a while till she gathered herself back together. She hands in her final uni report next week....she's managed to get herself back into a space where she could concentrate but it took a long time and that was fine.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything you are feeling is ok but you won't feel quite so out of control forever. Yes, this is an emotional rollercoaster ride but gradually as you process the information and the situation you will start to regain that control. Yes, there will be rough days but we all have them. Break them down into bitesize chunks of time - play games with yourself.eg if I can get through till lunchtime I'll be fine, if I can get to 3pm I can have a cup of tea, if I can get to 5pm I can put work behind me for the day. That sort of thing. No one expects you to be at your A game with all of this going on.

    This group are really supportive so please reach out anytime you need to. There's always someone around who gets it. Someone to offer that virtual hug when its needed. 

    It’s always good to talk so please remember you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Stay strong. You will get through this. You're coping so much better than you think you are (you'll just need to trust me on that one)

    I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. 

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm