I'm in a mess

Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you…… this is such a terrible position we are all in isn’t it? Do you have anybody to support you, brothers, sisters or friends? I’m not someone that asks for help or accepts it easily, as all the people I care about will vouch, but during this latest episode in my life I have found comfort in saying ‘yes’ when friends and family have offered help, even if it is only to talk. Perhaps, your Mum and Dad have neighbours who could help out a little, even if it is only to check on them every so often and let you know Mum and Dad are ok…. taking the pressure off yourself for just the slightest thing might perhaps ease your worries a tiny bit….

I’ve had so many people giving me advice and saying ‘take care of yourself as well as your husband’ and I guess for the first time in my life I’m listening and not feeling guilty if I take time out, even if it is only to go for a walk and breathe in the beauty that’s all around us but sometimes is difficult to see when you feel so engulfed in sadness. I am well aware looking after myself keeps me stronger and more able to cope with helping my husband. I’m not sure if you are like me, but if I don’t give 100% I feel I am letting my loved one down, but of course all I am doing is running myself ragged and then I’ll be ill and ……. well …….

Facing the future can be soooo daunting and seeing the people you love suffering so badly is incredibly painful. Again, my heart goes out to you,  perhaps someone near to you could give you a hug, support you through this difficult time and let you cry on their shoulder when you need to. Big hugs to you ️

My brothers been a help tonight, although he's unwell himself and also lives in a different town.

They have good friends and neighbours, I'll have to speak with them.

Much of this is stemming from her deterioration. I'm going to try and get her to report it to her medical team tomorrow. And then, next Wednesday,  I can go up there again.

I was offered some counciling through work when she was first diagnosed and I recognise now I've been needing it for a few weeks, so I've got back in contact tonight in the hope it's still available. I'm sure it will be.

Thanks for your support and post. It's much appreciated. 

I think that’s a really good idea to talk to your people at work and to the neighbours and friends, sometimes people want to help but don’t quite know how so don’t come forward. Would your Mum give permission for you to talk directly to the nursing team, it might make it easier for you knowing you could tell them clearly how your Mum is (I find my husband is not always so truthful with them about how he is feeling which then means they can’t help him as much as they would like). Both my husband and my mother have given me permission and I find it helps them both that I can help with appointments, medications etc, by emails or telephone (which of course could be done from a distance). Although I could potentially talk about more personal stuff to the medical team I never do without my partner being present as I want to respect his need for privacy and decision making. Just a thought…… 

Marion xx

That's a good idea. I'll adk her tomorrow if she would give me permission. Especially if she doesn't want to speak to them. It's possible she just doesn't have the energy.

Hi Kezzie,

just thought I’d drop by to see if you had any progress with your Mum, if since our last chat there has been any change? Hope you’re ok?

xx 

Hiya

Thanks for asking. I'm still a bit of a mess, sadly, although I have a counselling assessment meeting booked for next Wednesday. If I qualify, I get 5 sessions. If I don't, I may pay someone myself, as I'm finding talking is helping - at least for a while.

Mum wants to talk to me when I see her next week and see if she will let me be a contact with her medics. She has agreed she needs more help and has done for some time. One of her best friends took her and Dad out for a drive yesterday, so that was a nice change.

So, i feel like I'm making baby steps in some sort of fuzzy direction.

Hiya! Glad to hear you’ve made some progress and so pleased your Mum is opening up to you that she needs help, also that her friend took your Mum and Dad out for a drive, that’s all you need sometimes to lift your spirits, even if it is only for an hour or two. Baby steps are great and I recognise the ‘fuzzy’ feeling as everything does seem surreal doesn’t it. Always here if you fancy a chat and a virtual hug xx

I've gone from a few years of menopause wool brain to a few months off and now hit with a surreal fuzzy brain.

Oh….. the menopause……! Went through mine early, was only 46 when I had gone through the whole thing, really stops the brain from working properly for sure haha xx