Heartbroken

Hi there!

I am so sorry for your loss.

Instead of thinking all the lost opportunities you may have missed celebrate and remember the good moments that you had with him.

I have been a patient with the big "C" and I would hope my children would think like this for me.

Sending lots and lots of virtual hugs.

Your dad no longer needs to suffer.

Rf2k18 

Hello CMPrince20,

I’m so sorry to read your news, my heart goes out to you. We have had many losses in our lives, including our son at the age of 18, very suddenly and without warning. My husband’s father died quite a number of years ago now but I still remember the agonising loss which sounds so familiar to your loss as it was also over just three months with bowel cancer. I know you will be feeling like your whole life has been turned upside down and if this is the first person you have lost, the emptiness is unbelievable. I hate using the old sayings like ‘time will heal’ but it really is true. Cry when you want to cry, make the most of the hugs that get offered, but remember to laugh when the moment comes and don’t feel guilty when you do, your Dad will be happy for you when you do start to move on.

It might be a little early to think of the good times with the grief that is running through you, but Rf2k18 is right to say try to think of the good times and those dark thoughts will gradually change and you’ll think of your Dad with a little smile which will gradually get bigger and bigger. My husband has an incurable cancer and I know there will come a day when I will have to follow my own advice, but knowing he is out of pain and not suffering anymore will make it a little easier and I will count myself lucky for all the wonderful years we have had and all the amazing moments of love, fun and laughter. 

Big hugs to you, Marion xx

Hi I get nights like this and have turned them into positive times. I right everything I'm thinking down its as though my best memories come deep at night bit like having dreams but being awake.  Memories are so incredibly valuable and the person never really leaves you

We went through a terrible time as a family when we lost our son. When it happened, after a little while, I started to write poetry to express my feelings (I’ve always liked poetry since I was a child) and I found it helpful putting my thoughts down on paper. I know a lot of people start a diary, or similar. What becomes apparent is that over a period of time, without realising it, gradually the thoughts become less dark and what is being written changes. Just recently, over the past few months, for the first time I read my poems out to my husband. It was heartbreaking and very emotional but was also good as my husband could see how I changed over the following months/years and gradually began to cope with the loss of our beloved son. My husband has worried constantly with feelings of guilt about leaving me behind, hearing my poetry and how over the years it became bright and funny helped him come to terms with knowing that when the time comes I will, over time, be okay. When I read my poetry back I was amazed how it’s almost like it was a different person with all those dark thoughts and as I dated each poem it’s like I was able to see myself healing on my ‘journey’ to recovery. The same thing will happen again when my husband leaves, but this time I will know with certainty that time really is a great healer. You never stop thinking about the people you have lost and you wouldn’t want to, not a day goes by when I don’t think about my son, but the pain inside gradual dissipates and an acceptance takes its place. Memories truly are incredibly valuable xx