My Dad was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer in October 2021. It had already spread to his bladder wall by the time they had done a TURBT to biopsy his bladder. It has spread to his lymph nodes, his spine, his bowel and possibly his kidneys. He has nephrostomies for both kidneys. After picking up several infections which put him in hospital from the end of December until early Feb ( he got discharged in between episodes but spent about 9 days out of 42 days at home) he was fast tracked home last week to die at home.
He lives a few hours from me so my brother, other family members and I take it turns to go stay and help out. I'm due to go up next week.
My daughter (who is 9 and a bright kid) was aware that her Grandad was poorly however after hearing snippets of conversations over the last few weeks she outright asked me if he was dying so I told her the truth. Obviously she was upset, we had a long talk and I explained what would happen next and how Grandad looks different (showed her a picture), he would tire quicker and might not be awake enough for long chats, etc. She is adamant she wants to say goodbye to him so she wants to come with me when I go up for a few days . She last saw him at Christmas.
I told my Dad that she would be coming with me and he was fine with it. He then called me the next day to say that he would prefer it if she didn't come because he doesn't want her to see him like this. He has no control over his bowels and has been vomiting. He has care during the day. He said he was happy to do facetime with her.
I explained to my daughter what Grandad said, she became very upset then my husband said my Dad was not thinking about how his action of denying my daughter from seeing him would ultimately affect her.
I can see both sides but I'm getting stressed about what to do for the best? I know she is only a child but she thinks and feels things deeply.
I just don't know what to do
Gosh that must be so difficult and I can also see both sides and the stress you must be feeling on top of everything else. All I can suggest is to listen to your instincts about what you feel is right and take it from here.
Wishing you all the best in finding the strength to deal with the coming days snd weeks.
