My 54 year old husband was told in December that he had incurable oesophageal cancer with liver secondaries. Having read some of the stories here and the community news, the feelings I am having are similar …disbelief, fear, anger, sadness. We have been together since our twenties and met quite by chance in the USA on holiday. He is very shy, and now he is very frightened and withdrawn, which is totally understandable in the circumstances. I have always been the “strong one”, and have protected him and been his shield against a raft of dysfunctional family issues, as well as taking on the burden of a special needs child. We have both had high calibre careers, and are lucky to be able to go private for his treatment, but I’m finding both the oncologist (who we met through the NHS), and the nursing staff difficult. Does anyone else have this? I have been told that I am there as support only, and not to ask questions. I have been made to feel like I’m in the way and the oncologist doesn’t interact with me in our update meetings. She hasn’t asked me how our teenagers are coping, how I am or anything about us as a family unit (we are close). My impression of the nurses who look after him is that they see me as a vocal nuisance and take every opportunity to have a pop at me - yesterday it was for using the wrong toilet, and that I’d left him alone at home in some pain while I “gallivanted” with our new flock of sheep that we have invested in for our student son who’s at agricultural college. The truth was that I had to help treat a poorly ram (I am not a farmer!), and went back to check on him several times while he was sleeping. Any advice would be gratefully received. I’m concerned that this team of people are now with us for the rest of the time he is with us - which could only be months - and could potentially affect my feelings and memories at some stage in the future.
