Hi I'm 54 my husband is 58,he has metastatic retroperitonel cancer which has also spread to his lungs, He had bowel cancer 10yrs ago surgery chemo, We thought he was clear but 18months ago it came back. He fractured hip in August which was possibly to cancer in his hip as said pathological,. End of October his breathing got worse admitted to hospital has to have oxygen 24/7.Couldnt have this tumor removed as nerves arteries etc involved, radiotherapy and chemo not helped, so palliative care. Been visiting every day and my family have took it in turns over the last 3months.Visited him Friday last week refusing food having little water, won't allow cannula with pain relief in place pulls it out, also refusing oxygen. Visited Monday morning struggling to breath agitated he wouldnt look at me told me to go, this really hurt but also found it hard to watch spent last few days crying. He told me didn't want pain or struggle at the end but he is causing himself stress by reusing pain relief and oxygen also I'm struggling to watch him, They managed yesterday to get him to have fentynal patch put on high dose, but refusing oxygen. This is making me so emotional exhausted watching him, didn't go yesterday as felt couldn't cope also he told me to go. Are these emotions feelings going to stop I'm so confused. I want to support him but my feelings overwhelming me at the minute
Hello Sweep
((Hugs))
There is very little in the way of words that can make this experience easier to cope with, I think maybe your Husband is prepared and as difficult as this is for you, this is his way of letting everyone know.
I know it has been a few days since your post, and I am sorry no one has responded to you sooner.. how are you? how are things now?
Lowe'
Dear Sweep
We as individuals are only capable of so much, we can push and push ourselves to do more, but at some point or another we have to re-group, so please allow yourself some time and although you will continue to experience dark times, and low days, you can be sure that all of the visits and the time you have spent with your Husband since last November have been important, for both of you.
I am pleased that your Son can go today, and I understand that you do not want to upset him, though it is clearly upsetting for you that he may not recognise you now. I hear your heartbreak by reading your words, and I just wanted to let you know that there is someone here, if you need us, just reach out
Thinking of you.
Lowe'
Hi Sweep,
Thank you for keeping me updated on how your husband is doing, I can see that this is a very difficult time for you, and I wonder whether your husband actually fears the pain medication? it is hard to know for sure.
Maybe by not taking the meds immediately he is fighting back, holding on to the time he has, no matter how uncomfortable, I am sure we all act extremely differently when faced with what he is going through.
What is right for him, is right for him, as is what is right for you, the guilt you feel may be the less emotional side of yourself thinking it can do anything, but realistically you are doing everything that you can by visiting when and as long as you can on a daily basis. Try, if you can to pay no mind to the guilt, that taps at you, this is just a thing that we people do without good cause..... it does not matter what others think, it is important that you protect yourself as much as possible, this will keep you strong for when you need to be.
Thinking of you all and praying that your husband find less pain as he journey forward.
Take care of you
Lowe'
