Can’t stand the waiting..

Hello FreeElf,  Welcome to the forum, I apologies that it has taken a while for you to receive a response, but I can assure you that this is a very supportive place to be.

Your post regarding your Dad, brought encouraging news in so much that he outlived his original prognosis by over two years, I remember when I first joint this forum, I was so desperate to find news like that, and although we know that a prognosis is only every a best guess, it is amazing that your Dad managed such a grand amount of time.

Sadly though, this news is now marred by the quick deterioration that he is currently experiencing. I am so very sorry to read this, I can only imagine how difficult it is for you all watching his deterioration. I totally understand you when you say 

Unknown said:

I honestly don’t know if I have the strength to watch him become so poorly. I can’t stand the constant not knowing how long he could have left..

Currently both my husband and my dad are poorly. and when we got the news about my husband My Daughter also wanted to Marry before her Dad became too ill, He was given a 12 month prognosis, 11 months ago, so I understand  some of your thoughts on Marriage, and I suppose no one can tell you whether or not you should marry, though if you are unsure, it is possible to have a small ceremony, a blessing of your relationship, which is not so much a marriage but a declaration of your love for each other. It does not hold the same binding commitments of marriage and it may be an alternative if you were to feel at this time that your marriage would not otherwise be taking place if it were not for how ill your Dad has become?

The most difficult thing of course is how well your Dad will be, and that I think is an impossible question to answer  

One of my current sayings is, "none of us are promised tomorrow" therefore it is important that we Live for today, do what we can to make the living easier, happier, more memorable, as difficult as this is, I think it is important that we all do what is right for us in the now.

As for fighting back the tears FreeElf, please let them flow sometimes, it is okay, your emotions need a release, there will be more for you to deal with and you will need a place to store them, I truly hope, that something happens and Dad improves, and whatever your choices regarding your Wedding, I wish you all the best.

We are here, to listen

Take care

Lowe'

Hi FreeElf,

I really do feel for for. My Dad is also terminally ill and has lasted 18 months when he was given a year at best.
Like you, I am terrified of watching my Dad go downhill, he has started to have increasing pain the last few days and is very down knowing things are not going to improve.
I find myself crying a lot at the moment, I try to be so brave for when I see him and then sob all the way home. How are we going to keep all the emotions under control? I just don’t know.
But we must try to be positive, I was lucky to have my Dad at my wedding and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Only you can make the wedding decision, but I would hate for you to have any regrets with your Dad.

Big hugs to you xx

Hi FreeElf, 

My dad got diagnosed with incurable cancer, unfortunately he only had 7 months with us from being diagnosed. I lost him 8 week ago but I came on here today to tell you to do whatever you feel right for yourself. Unfortunately I’m to young and haven’t met the right person at this moment so my dad couldn’t give me away. But actually I’m not sure if I’ll ever get married. Besides the point! If you feel like your ready to get married and there’s a chance your dad could be there I’d say bloody take it!!! I know that’s just me but I know there’s so many things that I wanted to do with my dad and I would say to anyone take that chance if you’ve got it! One thing I regret not asking my dad is ‘are you proud of me?’ Everyone says he would of definitely said yes but I just wished I’d asked myself. Please make the most of the time you have got and cherish every moment. You only get one life and as my dad said we’re here for a good time not a long time! So get Wed will ya! If there the one you love! 
sending you best wishes and thinking about the people that are in the same situations 

Hi Freeelf

       You may of found some comfort in the words of others who responded, I hope so.

  Just wanted to say, I hear you 100%. I have felt the dark void of waiting for the inevitable and consequently withdrew from my loved one.

 I dont have an answer but I do know the here and now is all that really matters.

There are so many awful things that cancer brings but try not to let it rob you of the time you have left.

sending positive thoughts!

Thank you for your reply, in a strange way it’s comforting to know someone else is in the same (horrible) boat. Xxx

Thank you ️my partner and I are in the process of giving notice to get married, jay needed a little push haha xx

I wish you both a fabulous day

Web just got partners diagnosis of sclc aggressive in extensive stage it feels like life on the outside has came to a full stop uncertain of the future trying to stay strong for him but some days I am completely a mess it’s almost torture watching someone that means that much to you fade away slowly and nothing I can do to stop it 

Hi FreeElf, 

I am sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation as my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer which has spread to her lungs, liver and peritoneum and given months to live a year ago now. I was the same in that I was desperate for my mum to see me get married as it felt important to me and I wanted her to be involved in it. As a result of this I did get married a month ago, with my mum present. It was a small ceremony with 15 people followed by a BBQ and whilst it was the loveliest day it was tinged with some sadness as everyone knew the reason behind the quick wedding. I would 100% do it again but I wont lie to you and say it was easy. I think the below suggestions of doing a blessing or a small ceremony are great as it will give you the day you need with your father but at the same time you dont want to feel pressured to rush into something, especially if the worst case scenario happens which is that your father passes before the wedding. 

I unfortunately can't offer any advice re knowing how long left. This is something I am struggling with as well, the constant question of will they be there tomorrow? WIll this be the last time I see them? Its the most painful feeling ever and I wish I knew how to make it better. The only way I am surviving at the moment is through the support of my partner, exercise and my dog. My only advice would be to make sure you have a release, whether that be exercise, reading a book or anything that allows you to switch off for a small portion of the day. 

I hope some of that helps...

Always here for a chat. 

xxxx

Hi 

my dad has terminal lung cancer was given 6-12 months fed and gone down hill in a week that he’s now downstairs living and has stopped eating, I’m crying in between caring for him and have had to move in with. I don’t want him to go but he’s wasting in front of me. He still has lucid moments where he makes me laugh, and it’s those moments that I don’t want him to go. He can’t do anything for himself now x 

make the most of the good times it’s a rollercoaster of emotion