Hi all, I’m sorry that anyone has to join a forum like this and also very thankful for a place to note my feelings.
At the moment I’m feeling a bit lost and confused.
In 2018, my mum was diagnosed with kidney cancer and after an operation to remove one of her kidneys she was given the all clear. At her yearly scan in 2019, it was discovered that she had cancer in her lung and again she went for surgery however was told they couldn’t remove all the cancer but it was treatable. The hospital sent her for a scan 6 months later and it was discovered that she had two tumours in her brain and that there was nothing they could do and they would put her on life prolonging medication. For the most part of 2020 she was well and when she had a scan in November/December one of the tumours had disappeared and the other had reduced in size. We were over the moon and she felt good, was able to walk round the streets with the aide of her walking stick.
At the end of February/start of March she rapidly declined. She lost her appetite, could hardly get out of bed and said her head felt heavy. She also developed a tremor in her hands. It’s almost like she isn’t the mum I knew, who was always up early and full of beans and who loved a chocolate biscuit with her tea. It’s been hard adjusting to my new mum who I love all the same!
On Monday, she attended an appointment at the Beatson cancer centre and was admitted due to her weight loss, the doctor noted she’d lost 3 stone since her last visit. On Tuesday, my dad received a phone call to say that following a scan, it wasn’t good news and her tumour in her brain had grown. He advised that she didn’t have long left - weeks or perhaps months. I am absolutely heartbroken, I’m an only child and my mum is my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without her. The thought of a doctor telling her that whilst she was alone in hospital breaks my heart. On Wednesday, my mum phoned me to say she was getting home and the consultant had been round again and said following a second scan it wasn’t as bad as he had initially thought and death perhaps wasn’t as imminent. I’m so confused as to how one day we were being told we don’t have long left as a family to the next day being told we might have a while. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions the past few days and I’m exhausted.
I’m working off the basis that she doesn’t have long left so I don’t need to put myself through what I have the past few days and any extra time is a bonus. My dad is finding it very difficult and I’m not sure how best to support him and make my mums time with us happy as she has no concentration span. She’s been put on steroids to try gain her appetite and hopefully she gets a bit stronger over the coming weeks.
Hello Wishes_x
Welcome to the forum, I am so sorry that you have found yourself here, but pleased that you have managed to note down some of feelings.
I have an understanding of some of the emotions and thoughts that you have experienced and wanted to reach out and let you know that someone is listening, and also to find out if Mum has now come home.
Your Mum, you and your Dad certainly seem to have been on a rollercoaster of a journey since Mum was diagnosed with 2018 with Kidney cancer, the fear of the diagnosis, the fear of the surgery, the elation of the all clear, to being placed back on roundabout of the emotions with the lung and brain cancer diagnosis, the positive feedback from the one disappearing tumour to the other shrinking and some good times and memories for the most part of 2020.
And then the now, the past week or so of Mum being alone when she was told by her doctor of the heart-breaking news that the brain tumour had returned, (this is an area I truly relate to, my husband was alone when given his terminal diagnosis 
) I understand why you would be exhausted.
I know that you have written that you are working on the basis that Mum does not have long left, and I acknowledge why you would do that, it is (for me anyway) a way of trying to protect ourselves for what is perceived as the inevitable, a protection, like you have said, so that you don't have to put yourself through in the past few days. But also, as you have said, any extra time is a bonus.. this is something that I hold onto also, the knowledge that none of us are promised tomorrow, and living more in the now.
I understand how difficult this is for you and your Dad, and of course for your Mum, my heart goes out to you all (hugs))
There are some other areas on this site where you may find additional information and support I have added the links below.
There are also various specific cancer types, but for now, I hope that the past few days has brought, better news, that Mum is now home.
Wishing you all, all the very best during the coming weeks.
Lowe'
