Mum has bowel cancer/liver mets. Short prognosis and struggling to deal with it

Hello Again

I hope you don't mind me replying to you here also.

I am so sorry that the initial prognosis for Mum has been reduced so, by the need for an operation. I fully understand the concerns re coping strategies, and can only try to reassure you that as an individual we all have so much more power and strength than we can even begin to imagine. Even when we are brought to our knees and feel deep despair and loss, somehow, from somewhere the fight to survive that, the keep on going when we may not want to and the acknowledgement that we will do whatever we can for our loved ones even once they are gone, will mostly keeps us going.  I am thankful that you have the support of your boyfriend.

My husband is slightly younger than your Mum, we have children and grandchildren, so it is different for us in so far as the girls have each other.  The human body is an amazing thing, and although there will be a delay in chemo there is still a chance.  Once my husband started chemo, he went from looking and being very ill, to looking good and feeling better.. A different cancer, but with similar mets, focus is what keeps him going, focus, high anti-oxidant foods and medical treatment.

Don't lose hope just yet if you can, please hold on, we are here if you would like to discuss further.

Lowe'

Hello again,

I really appreciate the replies! They're helping me a lot. Every memory I have includes my mum in some way. She has always been so, so supportive. Although my dad just lives around the corner with my stepmum, I'm not as close to him at all. My mum is my rock and my best friend and I just really don't know how I am going to cope without her. She's so worried I'm in denial when actually I'm feeling the polar opposite of that. I really need to be more positive if anything! 

She wasn't even going to have the operation last week... if not she wouldn't have been here next week so I'm glad she decided to have it for me. She seems to be coping well with the stoma but she has accepted she will die in 6 months. I'm still trying my absolute best to clutch onto hope of a miracle but I am also very aware that it's incredibly unlikely. My mum had such an awful time with chemo which has put her off having more anyway but I'm hoping the option is still there for her in 6 weeks post op. She is speaking with the oncologist tomorrow though to see what his thoughts are so I'm very nervous about that.

I'm really happy your family have one another. It sounds like they're supporting each other. It's times like this I wish I had siblings to share the load with so I'm really glad I joined the groups on here instead 

Emily

So sorry to hear about your Mum and that you are having to go through this at your age and on your own. I’m keeping everything crossed for you that they can still do the chemo. Whatever time you have left with your mum just try to take each day as it comes, making lots of lovely little memories(doesn’t have to be any grand bucket list) and try not to think about the future too much- that’s what I’m trying to do because the thought of a future without my hubby in is unbeatable. 
Keep talking too as its definitely better than bottling everything up x 

Thank you. I'm really sorry about your husband. I noticed you replied on the other group too and it really is truly awful isn't it. 

They seem to think the chemo that she had hasn't worked as the tumor had grown and there are so many mets in her liver. I'm still trying to clutch at some hope though. I've started writing a journal of what we do each day (starting yesterday when she came out of hospital) but labelling each day as 'day 1  day 2 etc) so I'm counting up the days not down. I have no idea if this will help me but it allows me to document the days and gives me something to look back on. 

I hope you have some lovely times with your husband. I appreciate your lovely reply xxxx

I have started two journals. I have one that I put all the horrible negative stuff in (that I intend to throw away eventually) and I have one to put nice things in too so like you I will have something to look back on in the future. 
Keep strong. We’re in this together x x x

I really like your journal idea Jillybean, thanks for sharing that 

Lowe'

Hi Jillybean, That's a good idea. At the moment I'm just documenting the things we get up to each day, the happy and the sad but I may change to 2 journals. Since mum has come home from the hospital, a couple of days ago, I haven't felt as sad as we've just been spending time caring for her, watching TV, reading and just enjoying conversation. She's napping quite frequently though so my boyfriend and I have been trying to do home workouts as something different to do whilst she's asleep. I am getting more concerned each day though that the oncologist is going to say there is nothing more they can do for her. He's next contacting her on the 25th I believe so keeping everything crossed for then. Do keep me updated with your situation, lots of love xxx