Hello lovely people. I am wondering how your Christmas Day has been?
we had a nice day and were able to visit my daughters as we are in a bubble. (Did you know that if you are looking after someone full time you can count as a single person and form a bubble with another household.Also COVID restrictions don’t apply if you are dying so in effect people can visit your partner in your home. Obviously you have to be careful as you don’t want them to get COVID from visitors. Full details on gov website but it helped me feel not so isolated knowing he could have visitors.)
I have really been struggling with everything these last few weeks but my son was made redundant and now is my husbands registered carer. This is a win win all round as he can spend time with his dad, take him out ( if anywhere was open and he was well enough) or just watch a film with him. It also means that he doesn’t have to search for a job right now which was giving him anxiety that he would bring COVID into the house. For me is is a real case of a problem shared is a problem halved. My son helps me do his tablets, which amount to over 900;pills a month! ( he had a transplant so has a few anti rejection ones as well as pain relief, diuretics etc) and I can meet a friend for a walk knowing he is safe. I can express how sharing the caring has improved my mental health and I am more the carer I want to be.
He has got so much weaker in last two weeks and now needs a frame or wheel chair. Yesterday we had a bed delivered to go in lounge. I thought he wouldn’t like it and would still try and struggle up the stairs, but he chose to sleep in it last night and was really comfortable. I was a bit surprised when I went downstairs this morning to find he had dropped off to sleep with the his hand on the up
button and he was about 5 foot up in the air! He does get confused sometimes. We have a new Alexa and if he need me in night he can ask her to call me We had a practice run and it make me feel he will be safer as he can always manage his phone. Some of the text messages he has sent have been amusing! Our car mechanic got sent six rather unflattering selfies! You have to laugh.
Now it is Christmas Day evening and I am feeling a little alone. He is tucked up downstairs and I am upstairs. It was a weird sort of day as we all were acting as if everything was normal. Well in a way it is as this is our new normal. We had some laughter and I was proud of myself for not getting Melancholy and nostalgic but it definitely has an air of unreality about it all. I know we have entered another stage as he gets less able and weaker. It’s just weird on days when you can’t talk to anyone about what you are going through. Just because it’s Christmas it doesn’t mean you aren’t still in turmoil, how ever much you play the part of happy family member.
Anyway my friends I just wanted to share and get out my thoughts. It’s a long post so well done if you got this far. I would love to hear about your Christmas Day. Anna. x 
Dear Anna,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings of the lead up to Xmas and the day itself. I did get to the end of your post and you have pointed out some important things.
1. I have never really gone for the whole Alexa thing, but we went to one of my daughters home yesterday for dinner, ( after I finished working) and she was getting the Alexa to play her music. This I know is common place for the device, but your suggestion that Alexa is used to call you should your husband needs you is great!
2. The ability to share the caring with your Son, not only brings you all even closer together, but it brings the understanding of how involved the responsibility of caring is, and it enables you to have some "me" time, which as you say, helps you to be the type of carer that you want to be.
Things in my household are a little different, although Dal has days when eating is a little more difficult, he has overall improved immensely over the past few months. We still have the fear of the prognosis, we know that everyday counts, but we try to carry on as much as possible in our new normal, as you have done.
Dal's Mum lives on our street, so he got to see her also, and that is always important, although the day passed quickly it was a calmer Xmas than previous years, we did not buy presents for each other, our present had been the news from the oncologist that Dal had some good news on his scan results and that treatment would continue.
I know how difficult a day Xmas day can be for so many people, I hope that we can gather more positive memories over the coming days leading in to New Year, and I hope you can too.
Lowe'
