Devastated

Sending you positive thoughts x

Hi prayingforamiracle,

I am so sorry to read your sad news. You are absolutely right that you think it’s never going to happen to you or someone you love then you just get the stuffing knocked out of you and life completely changes. You are right to seek support in this community.

I am not sure if it is helpful in anyway but I can only share some of my experience of what I am going through with my mum but to my brief knowledge of everyone’s experiences of prognosis, no one can ever be sure and that includes the doctors. Just today I have read a post of a lady who is due her 9 month scan after being initially told she would have 2-4 weeks.

My mum went into hospital in August with breathlessness which we thought was linked to her heart condition. Within 48 hours we were informed she had two primary cancers (lung and bowel) and mets that had spread to the adrenal gland and liver. I was absolutely devastated and looking back to August and September, my feelings, behaviour and emotions were like I had already lost her. My mum didn’t have many symptoms so as each week passed life started to feel a little normal again, thanks to her saying she needs things to feel normal for as long as possible. I think my mum is coping better than me but it’s because at the back of my mind I know what’s coming.

The doctors said there was nothing they could do and any treatment plan would just be to prolong her life. They insinuated but certainly would not confirm, that it may not be long and certainly months rather than years. In my mums case she immediately refused everything.....all further investigations and potential treatment. I therefore thought the worst was going to happen rapidly with no treatment and cancer is so many places, I felt it was imminent and the thought of getting to Christmas would be a miracle. WELL here we are and mum seems to be doing ok, nearly four months after diagnosis and no treatment. We are all hopeful we will all have much longer together but who ever knows.

My advice would be to speak to specialist nurses, Macmillan and this community to support you and your family. I think most would agree that this dreadful disease can not be tied down to timeframes. I have been off work for a couple of months to ensure I can have as much quality time with my mum as possible and plan with her for everything she wants and needs for the weeks and months ahead.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs for you and your dad. It’s tough but you certainly need to be kind to yourself and look after you as well as your dad.

Take care xxx

Hi Pansy82,

I too am sorry to hear about your mother. Its so hard seeing on here so many people going through this or similar.

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience with me and for taking the time to do so.

It has certainly helped me feel a bit calmer, think I was having a couple of drastic days of panic and just assumed that was that. I am a sucker for Dr Google and stuff you see on telly. 

It was so lovely to hear that your mum is still doing OK and I really hope you get to have a lovely Christmas and lots more time together.

Sending positive thoughts back.

Thanks xx