Terrified of the future

I’m so so sorry again to hear this. I feel bad for asking the question now, dragging it up for you all again when you’ve both been through so much already. I appreciate you replying and for your well wishes it means a lot. 

Hi Purple02 

No honestly don't be sorry its okay! It helps to talk about it and I promise you that no matter what happens you and your family will get through it. 

Your story might be different to mine and hopefully the treatment your Dad receives means that you'll get alot more precious time with him. Make the most of every second you have with him it will mean so much to both of you. Take every bit of help that is offered to you, be that a cooked meal, a phone call, a trip to the shop, anything. There are so many resources that can help aswell- after my stepfather passed I started bereavement counselling which has been fantastic. 

It can feel incredibly lonely when you're going through something like this. Believe me, you are not alone. There are so many of us who are experiencing this or who have lost a loved one to cancer. It is honestly one of the hardest things you will ever deal with but coming from someone that has been there, you and you're family will get through this. Let your emotion out, be it sadness, anger, frustration anything. Talk to your Mum, talk about eachothers emotions and fears- this really helped me and my Mum as we found that when one of us was down the other one would pick them up.

As difficult as it is, try and stay strong for your Dad. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Give yourself the time you need to process what is happening. Xxx

That is such a kind message. Thank you. I’m lost for words, feeling overwhelmed. But  thank you, thank you for taking the time out of your bereavement process to help me. That’s amazing of you thank you.  

Hey its no problem at all. Please feel free to message if you need to talk about anything at all xxx

Hi Purple02,

I can only echo what NC1 has said about taking whatever help is offered, and being kind to yourself, that is so important as it can all get so overwhelming.

As for what your mum said about not wanting to live without your dad try not to get too hung up on that. It is a natural feeling. Since losing my husband I of course have days like that. I am 47 and never never thought I would have to face so many years ahead without him. It is not what I want or asked for and some days I just don’t want to continue without him. But I have no choice as the alternative doesn’t bring him back or make things better for anyone else. But it doesn’t stop you feeling that way. It’s a natural process and you literally just have to take things one day at a time.

But let’s just hope that you don’t even need to consider that for your mum. Just face each day as it comes and you and your mum just need to try and stay strong for your dad xx

Hi Purple02 

I agree with Bramblejoo, I don't think your Mum really means what she said.

This sounds like a fear response- her entire world has just been turned upside down and she could potentially be looking at living her life for years without your Dad. It's absolutely terrifying to even think about. 

My Mum had thoughts like this but they passed quickly. Like Bramblejoo said, she realised that the alternative doesn't help anybody or make the situation better and it would be the absolute last thing that my stepdad would want. It's the same with your Dad, I'm sure the last thing he would want would be for your Mum to feel like this.

Both you and your Mum need to take it one day at a time, even one minute at a time if that easier. It will take time to process what's happening but you will both find your inner strength to carry on xxx