Terrified of the future

Hi NC1,

So sorry to hear your awful news. We are all here to support you as all know what you’re going through. My husband (52) was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer xmas Eve last year and has declined considerably since then.

The first few days and weeks are tough while you adjust to the news, but even when incurable there is still so much that they can try. Reach out for help from everywhere that is offered and hopefully very soon a plan will be out in place by your step dad’s oncologist and then you can all focus on the practical things needed. Don’t give up hope.

Keep posting on here, we all understand xx

Hi bramblejoo 

Thankyou for replying, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. 

Its such a sudden shock that none of us were expecting. My stepdad is leaving hospital today hopefully to go home. He is speaking with the cancer team today so hopefully we should get a better idea of what's going.

The whole thing just feels like a bad dream. Thankyou for listening to me xxxx

HI NC1, I'm so sorry to hear about your stepfather. Reaching out here isn't easy so well done for doing it. It took me weeks to reach out. My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour in August and within two weeks we'd been told it was terminal, he'd had surgery and life changed forever. He was given a prognosis of 12-15 months.

As a wife/mother I totally understand that your mum is trying to be strong for everyone but she will be feeling as lost and scared as you .I know how scared and useless I've felt.  My kids have been my rock over the last few months. They're 20 and 23. I'll give you the same advice I gave them for what it is worth. Be there for your mum ( you don't say if you have any siblings but if you do, be there for them too) Talk to each other, be open about your fears and emotions and draw strength and comfort from each other. It takes time to try to come to terms with this and it takes as long as it takes. Everyone is different in how they react to news like this. There's no right or wrong way to feel. You just feel. 

Stick together and you'll get each other through this. 

And know there are folk here who are good listeners too.

Big hugs

xx

Hi Wee Me 

Thankyou for replying. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

I've found that I am having moments of clarity where I think I've accepted it and then I have other times when I completely break. Mum is the same, her emotions are all over the place. Neither one of us know how to process how fast this has happened- only a matter of days ago my stepdad was okay. He was just feeling a bit tired thats all.

But I agree with you, talking helps. Getting the emotions out help. I cry for a few hours and then get to the point where I can't cry anymore.

Being on this forum has helped me massively- even if its just the first day of me being here.

Thankyou for listening xxxx

Hi NC1,

What awful news for you and your family. 

Am going through a similar situation with my Dad and just cant get my head around it. 

My dad was told recently that he has cancer that has spread and that they can't cure it. It has just come out of nowhere as he himself seemes healthy and ok. I'm still hoping deep down that something good will turn the tide or that I'm in a very bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon. Just doesn't seem fair that we haven't had as much time together (I'm 31)

Its horrible isn't it how you dont expect your life to suddenly take a drastic direction. Im finding myself now dividing everything to before and after this. How everything seemed normal this time last week to feeling that your whole world has just taken a nose dive. I think the worse part is when you have a moment of normality and then you remember all over again. Or seeing people going about their lives when yours is falling apart.

I was put onto this site by a relative and it seems like a really lovely bunch of people who are ready to listen and support.

I keep you in my thoughts and am sending some positive vibes to your stepdad, mum and yourself.

What a horrible disease this is. 

Take care of yourself xx

My mum has just been diagnosed with stage 4b uterine cancer she was not unwell but cancer has now spread to distant lymph nodes incurable but they are going to try treatment to control it not sure if that’s even gods or bad or what to expect, I love her so very very much and feel heartbroken , lost my dad when I was 17 and she is all I have xxx

Hi, I’m new to this whole page, joined this evening. 

Sorry to read each of your stories. 

My dad (57) was diagnosed 4/5 weeks ago with lung cancer, inoperable, incurable, treatment pending. Feeling the same as some of you have mentioned here, fine and acceptant one minute, crying and can’t believe it’s all happening the next minute. We’re a close family and it’s a lot to take in. As you’ve said, world upside down in the space of a couple of days. As your comments are 3 months ago now, just wondering what updates you’ve all had, and how you’re feeling now 3 months on... thank you. 

Hi Purple02,

Im so sorry to hear the news about your dad.  Hopefully as he was diagnosed several weeks ago it won’t be long now and he will have a plan in place for treatment to start. My husband and i found that once treatment started we felt more in control and less panicked all the time. Hopefully you will feel the same. Try not to give up hope as there is so much that can be done these days.

Sadly the story didn’t end well for us. Just shortly after my last post my husband declined very quickly and died just a couple of weeks before Christmas. He was 52.

I am not in this group as much now as have moved to the ‘bereaved spouses’ group, but pop over now and again just to offer support where I can.

If your dad is incurable and hasn’t already done so it may be worth referring him to a local hospice. Sounds more scary than it is, they don’t just deal with end of life but can support with pain management and help in the home. Ours seemed to have a ‘speed dial’ to our GP surgery and got help quickly when needed. They were invaluable.

I am sending positive thoughts to you, your dad and your family.

xx

I am so so sorry to hear your husband passed away. 52 is no age at all, it’s so unfair and with my dad only 57, I think it makes it harder as you assume you still have all the time in the world before hearing the diagnoses. How are you coping? I worry about my mum if something were to happen, she has already said if something were to happen she wouldn’t want to live anymore. That’s hard to hear. Thank you for your advice. Thank you for replying and sharing your story, your strength is inspiring. 

Hi Purple02

I haven't been on here for a long while to be honest. Unfortunately like Bramlejoo, my story didn't end well for us either.

So the last time I was on here my stepfather had the terminal diagnosis but was preparing to go home. Unfortunately his condition worsened- we received the results of the biopsy which confirmed that the cancer had spread to most of his organs and into his blood. The hospital confirmed there was no more that could be done and he was moved to a hospice.

We lost him 2 days before Christmas. It was so unbelievably fast (2 weeks and 3 days) that I think its only very recently that we've managed to process what happened. I hold onto the fact that he didn't suffer towards the very end and me and Mum were there when he passed. He is at peace now and still with us always.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad Purple02- it's honestly the worst news anyone can receive about a loved one. Be kind to yourself- allow yourself to cry if you want to. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions and don't be afraid to ask for help.

My thoughts are with you and I hope that the treatment that is offered to your Dad really helps. Stay strong xxxx