Hospice or hospital bed dont want either

Just stopping by to say I'm sorry for your deeply difficult situation Kat. I'm over on this bit of the site because my mum has visibly and rapidly declined and I don't know whether this is end stage now, or medication really taking its toll. I don't know. She's been in hospital since Tuesday and she won't be coming out til at least next week I shouldn't think.  I brought up the idea of a hospice and she shook her head at me - not exactly the best conversation I've ever had with her, but I don't think my dad can cope alone with her like that. She refused even the thought of someone coming in to help round the house and I said, mum - that's to help dad, not you. I think the thought of hospice is obviously devastating, but the reality of it is only positives I've heard. Painfree, supported, family supported etc. I will try the subject again with my mum at some point - it's heartbreaking, i'm sorry to you and your family. Wishing you all strength and I hope you can find the right path for you all x 

Thankyou so much for reading and sharing my hurt decision made.pallative nurse was just wonderful she came sat and talked me and son 40 mins.said our fears.suggested can go local hospice 2 mins away for a week or two see if any meds can help.new eyes looking.meanwhile could start putting hospital bed etc.. in dining room. If he picked up or simply didnt want be there stuff in place then come home.we agreed were relieved she said right let's have a look at him. I took her in said nurse come talk you and after checking stuff briefly she very matter of fact as in could this be a bit of a plan? He said yeah alright. No way could we have said it we were thinking he would be thinking we betray. Waiting for bed 12 bed amazing place.hardest thing letting him go maybe even tomorow. Downstairs she talked again all details but as I feared she said highly likely he would deteriorate quick and not come home in her opion he very very poorly.trying 4 days steroids plus pain meds. Knew this morning not right in mind like bewildered confused non emotional disinterested not given in more like doesnt realise given in. He bit childlike hasnt got capacity to know what's best for him so massive decision for us. He suffering needs peace.would like to keep you updated if helps you with your mum xx  she helped me think why does he need to get it, it's of no purpose we all know we love each other. .he been right pain in proverbial today wont take meds? Wont take dressing gown off? Wint move over his side bed?  Snoring and sweating on me Wont eat? Wont let me help support to loo? And much much more.maybe last night after 30 years distraught now he sleeping sound my lovely lovely guy.wont get a goodbye but had one of the good guys so that will do xxx

So sorry Kat54 to hear of your situation. It goes without saying I really hope things take a turn for the better for all of you when your husband gets a place in the local hospice for respite care. Whatever the outcome they'll certainly provide support & I think it's the best solution for all of you with round-the-clock care for him especially, which in turn directly supports you and the rest of the family and will allow you to relax a little knowing he's in good hands. Hope you'll update to this thread as to how things are going. Sending best wishes to you all, take care xx

Bless you Kat - it sounds like the hospice nurse has really helped you all with acceptance and getting through difficult decision making. They truly know what they're doing. Wishing you peace and strength x 

Hello Kay. My husband has incurable multiple myeloma and earlier this year he went into hospice for a week. Both of us were frightened  but for us it was a godsend as they sorted out his pain relief, eased many fears and cared so much about us both. They helped us to reach decisions and to look forward.  This week I started remote counselling with their psychologist to help me face the future. I hope you both find some peace. Much love xx

Thankyou for responding.after last night I was in despair this morning i woke to find sat on toilet but wouldn't get off just saying ime fine.the phone rang offering a bed so grateful.they wanted send ambulance stretcher i knew no way he going out our home 30 years like that.got 2 sons get him down somehow and fetched car round.the confusion was soul destroying for us.howbloody cruel after putting up with all that to obviously struggling mentally.the endless days and nights of coughing bone pain to realise it creeped in his brain and within 5 days caused such havoc.been there most of day.In bed now saw your reply thanks.they running blood tests upping steroids to rule out why he like this. Told me what think this is I agree. They gonna do everything they can get him home, just spoke to him all day coming in room like there for leg operation, he honestly is peaceful not worried stressed nothing. Hes fine as he says.he knows me but no emotion to me sat eating a custard. Want him back xx 

Oh bless you both. I know what you mean about wanting him back. It feels as if we have lost everything and then the Covid finished off every dream. We are lucky in many ways because we are talking constantly and making tiny plans that can happen - albeit only about the next cuppa or meal!  I hope your sons are OK - we were never blessed with a family but have two wonderful nephews, their wives and small children who keep us smiling. I do hope the hospice helps you both - in our experience they are staffed by the loveliest people who will want to help you as well as your hubby. Keep safe and much love. June.

Aww thankyou you lovely people.first time looked since 17/10.my lovely chap died at 5.35 am on 20/10. We stayed and held his hand till the last breath.was traumatic wont lie  even though it was very quickly obvious the fast deterioration over 48 hours, when we had mostly just sat with him then they said time was running out I really did not know it was gonna be that day although definitely the day after. Was just staring at tv realised noisy breathing stopped, looked at him and called for nurse thinking she gonna rush in and do something. She calmly said was going then he did.just like that no fuss just gone.he straight away looked healthy wrinkles bags gone, hard bit was stood staring willing him breath.staff were amazing.1 hour later we packed his rucksack and struggled leave room to go home.i been so busy organising beautiful church service funeral and local burial for 6/11. Feels like he been on holiday ready him come back now. In bed now not done owt yet same sheets everything same but I just alone. I think he really has stepped into next room I'll cope with time funeral looming burial can hardly bear been there today grave dug out i need to keep telling myself he went somewhere in that room.we saw it. Thankyou everybody xx

I’m so sorry to hear your news and send you my deepest condolences. Please take good care of yourself. Much love. X

Thankyou will. Think I feel more comforted today, feel had a sign from him and loved it. X made a lot of difference to me x