Hi,
I am new to this group. My mum has terminal cancer, breast and some in her bowels. She is 81 and we are all slowly coming to terms with the fact that we may not have her around for much longer
My dad is her full time carer, and he is 77, he is no spring chicken, and is struggling to meet her needs. Me and my two sisters have always been on hand to help, but obviously with the lock down we are unable to go in to help.
My dad cannot lift her, she has lost two stone over the last month (she was in hospital for a week) but with the help of steroids has gradually been able to eat, and put some weight on.
She still has days where she is feeling sick, and cannot eat, is this normal? We seem to get her to the point of eating normally but then she had an off day and then we are back to square one.
My dad managed to get hold of the council to ask for some help, but when they came they had no PPE! So he sent them away. We can't really afford for the council to come in anyway, my mum and dad struggle as it is, so he cancelled them.
It was at this point that i had to go in, yesterday (to help my dad get my mum up off the floor) and today to make sure she's had a proper wash, and to try and get her active.. i cannot watch my dad struggle any longer. Ive taken precautions, wore gloves and i mask, washed before and after i have been. I feel uncomfortable about it, because obviously i don't want my mum and dad to catch coronavirus from me, but she's my mum, what else can i do?
Me and my eldest sister had to talk my dad out of calling st lukes to see if they could take her in because he cannot cope, i know he would regret it and we probably wouldn't see her again she wants to stay at home.
We just seem to be constantly feeding her tablets, without any explanations from the doctors about anything, is it normal for her to be feeling sick all the time? Is there any way we can just get some help so that my dad can get a break without it costing money?
At some point i will be back at work and i don't want leamy dad on his own to deal with it all again.
Any advice would be greatly recieved
Thanks Jennifer
Hi Jennifer and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to hear that your mum has breast cancer which I think, if I'm reading your post correctly, has spread to her bowel.
I haven't had the same type of cancer as your mum so don't know if feeling sick and having difficulty eating is normal or not. It might be an idea to join the secondary breast cancer group so that you can ask that sort of specific question as I'm sure there'll be ladies over there who will be able to help you. If I've misunderstood the type of cancer your mum has then there are also the breast cancer and bowel cancer groups which you could join instead.
To join whichever group is appropriate just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
It sounds like your dad is really struggling to look after your mum at the moment but there should be plenty of practical support available for him. Your mum's GP is the person who should be co-ordinating her care now she has left hospital. He or she can do things like organise nursing help. Click on this link to see what sort of help is available.
Your dad could also contact social services to get a social care needs assessment and also a carer's assessment for himself. Again, click on the link for more information.
When you have a minute it would be useful if could pop something about your mum's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
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