Need Support

Hi

I'm very sorry to hear that your dad's cancer has spread and that he is in pain. This must be an extremely difficult time for the whole family.

I haven't been in your position but I noticed that no one from this group has responded yet. You might like to take a look at this information on supporting someone with cancer that Macmillan have produced and also this on your feelings when someone has cancer.

Don't forget that you can always give the Support Line a call on 0808 808 0000 if you want to speak to someone. It's free to call and they're available everyday from 8am to 8pm, although currently they're experiencing a higher than normal amount of calls so you might need to be patient.

Sending a supportive ((hug))

Hey Sunflower25,

I'm going through what sounds to be a similar thing. My mother has breast cancer stage 4. and I can completely relate to finding it hard to fight back the emotions and stay positive. it almost hurts to be around her to see her coughing and going through the pain, she is a mighty soldier and making nothing about her so its tricky to gauge how nasty the situation is for her. I'm at a point where I almost don't want to know the full facts because I feel that they would upset me.

I feel like my life is in a haze. and I almost don't want to bring it up with my friends to not dampen the mood. they all use this same tone when talking about it and I hate to make them feel uncomfortable. I came on here with the same intentions you did, in hopes to find someone going through the same hurt as me that I can relate to. in my times of uncertainty this community has been a saving grace for me. I want you to know you are not alone. 

I simply cannot fathom what my dad is going through right now with all this. and I fear that me trying to be happy for my family the entire time and being the light throughout this is taking a toll on my mental health. 

I understand what you are going through and I'm feeling it too. if you ever need someone to talk to, that you know will understand I'd love to be there for you.

when it all feels too much at times, I turn on some happy music and try to think about all the good things in my life that I should be grateful for, and I'm sure that sounds like it would be hard to do, but it helps me so much. life is not all bad and I'm sure this feels like one big middle finger from the world, but in the end, all will be okay. I promise.

Lots of Love Bee x

You are not alone, my situation is similar in that my wifes cancer is incurable and it's unbelievably hard watching her suffer and in pain. Her syringe driver doesn't seem to help much either. Friends are supportive but nothing really helps does it. I just keep myself going by doing all I can to help her, at least then I'll know there was nothing more I could do. Just keep yourself healthy, be kind and be at his beckon call.

Hi BeeWise02

Sorry to hear about your mum and the tough time you are experiencing. I relate to the emotional turmoil you are in, you feel helpless and out of control and it hurts to the core. You feel like your heart has been shattered into a million pieces and you cant imagine ever feeling any different again. Some days I wake up and force myself back to sleep.because I can't bear another day of uncertainty and despair of seeing my Dad so distressed. Unfortunately last night the pain was so unbearable he tried to take his life. We called an ambulance who have took him back into hospital only after 24hrs of being released. They have said he is,at his limit and will.stop him breathing if they give him any more meds. He's on 11 different medications, morphine,& oxycodeine, syringe driver, neuropathic meds, Paracetmol by IV and anxiety meds but nothing touches the pain. His emotional state is distressing to see and no amount of professional help is actually helping. I just don't how I drag myself through the days sometimes and trying to be strong for my mum too. 

You are being very brave and I'm glad your not holding it all in. You need to talk. At first I didn't want to know the whole truth about my Dad and I'm ashamed to say I avoided the subject and didn't ask too many questions as it hurt too much and didn't know how to handle it so I understand why you didn't want to know all the facts. As time has gone on I've realised knowledge is power and helps you understand things. I find I'm at the point where I've no choice but to get involved as my mum isn't strong enough to deal with it.

Im glad you have found an outlet to temporarily make you feel better for the short period that it distracts you. I find reading self help books quite therapeutic. I think its finding what works for you. Life is so unfair and feels surreal but its something we have to go through. Have you tried counselling?  

Take care 

Hi WackyWebs2

I really feel for you and I'm sorry to hear about your wife. As you have said you are doing all you can for her and I'm sure she appreciates every bit of support you give her.

It's the hardest thing I have had to go through in life and I get angry at life. I feel helpless and out of control. My world stands still while life whizzes by. I dread what each day brings and don't know how I get through the days sometimes but I have to be strong for my mum, shes only got me. My Dad is in a Hospice now trying to get his pain under control but nothing helps only an IV drip which they have said he can't stay on.  Watching a loved one suffer is torture and I feel angry at the doctors for not doing more about the pain even though they say they are trying. 

All we can do is take a day at a time and pul ourselves through it as best we can. 

i am the same at the moment, my uncle has terminal cancer and has had the chemo for 6 months but its spread rapidly, and was givin 4 months life expectancy last month..

my uncle and my dad who has copd are now in lockdown at my uncles flat for 12 months due to the corona virus and arent allowed visitors, the nurse goes once a week and we leave shopping at the door then leave.

this is so distressing not being able to be there for my uncle but also for my dad who is having to go threw this alone with him, although we are in contact daily , its so hard not being there to spend time with him and dont want it to be the last minuit to say are goodbyes.

i dont no how to get around this and to be able to see them both to help out as there both so afraid of contact incase the contact the virus, even though me and my 3 sister are stayin isolated are selves.

this is both emotionaly and spiritualy to much to bare at times and as im the eldest of the sisters as my uncle has no children i feel like it my duty to be the strongest for them all, but carnt help but think of the effect its having on my dad whos 74 mentally and physically with no additional support from his daughters.

please if anyone knows any advice on how i could physicaly help them both threw this terrible time with all the lockdowns and isolation i would be so grateful as i just dont no what to do and its hitting me hard , i realy dont want to miss the last few months off his life its just no fare.

and i am so sorry for everyone else going threw this tough time i just hope we can all support each other threw this unbearable time..

love and light to u all xxx mandy xxx