My dad

Hi 

My dad was given the news that he has lung cancer that cant be treated on the 9th of jan, he has early stage dementia to so didn't really take in the information, he is to weak for a op so was given the choice of a 5 day course of radiotherapy, the oncologist explained this to him with my stepmum and niece present and given information on his diagnosis so he could read it at his pace so that he could slowly process the information, he had the radiotherapy last week which I understand was for more pain than cure, he lives in dundee and I live in wiltshire so it is hard for me to be there to help out with him, I plan to go up to scotland on the 7th feb with some of my family to spead some time with him and my stepmum. She is incredibly protective of him and saying she not happy with him going out with us and he needs to stay in the house, my niece and i have tried to tell her he needs to be doing things with family as it would be uplifting for him and that the family need to say their goodbyes as we live to far away and may not get another chance, I have said that I want to be by his side as he begins to get weaker but she saying that he may just go, all of my step family have told her that she really needs to let me be with him at the end and have promised me that they will keep me informed as the time gets closer.

I am really scared of losing him and am currently trying to support my husband who lost his dad with a undiagnosed tumour 3 weeks ago, my daughter who is 11 is really struggling with the loss of her grandad and the loss of another grandad pending, she has started to feel the need to self harm but we have now got counselling set up for her to help her deal with this and her grief, I am trying to cope with it all the best I can but feel like I am heading for a big break down and scared I will not be any help to anyone, I am becoming erratic at work and very quite snappy around people which isn't right, some of my colleagues are supportive but management not seeing that I am beginning to stress out and just point out my mistakes, I tried to warn my boss that I was struggling this morning but it was just the same we can talk in the morning but I know it wony happen, I work with mental health and told her that I am no good to the residents if my own mental health is under strain.

So I feel lost, like I am already grieving my dad even though he still alive, I have panic attacks but try to fight them and be strong, I cant be strong for everyone anymore I need help but dont know where to turn, not sure if my company can offer help or to go to my docs ? I just know that if I go to certain docs it would be take these tablets and you will feel better soon or have to wait weeks to get a appt, who can I get help from that will really help me make sense of my feelings and worries, I just feel broken.