Feeling alone

I know how awful that is, my husband has terminal oesophegal cancer and i suddenly became carer no longer his wife and I miss the man he was terribly my daughter has just returned to Uni and I like you feel so lonely even when we are in the same room, maybe its normal im not sure but I am experiencing the same 

Sending you big hugs xx

Carol

Much the same.  Cancer is the elephant in the room. Neither of us really knows what to say...H has small cell lung cancer which has spread widely into bones and liver.  Radiotherapy next week for bone pain.  But life expectancy is pretty limited...without treatment he was told his life expectancy would have been weeks not months.  So we both know that he’s enduring chemotherapy and bone pain now, in return for an unknowable , but probably small extension of life expectancy.
But what kind of life ? I try to talk about tiny plans we could make for some time away post chemotherapy ...a little trip to somewhere by the sea...but he never responds to this...so I give up. And I don’t know what else to try.  I try to make jokes ( because he’s always been witty and funny) but....no response.. 

So, much the same...he’s there in the room, but not there as he was. Much better when our sons visit...he can put on a bit more effort with them,  I think it would be easier if we could talk more honestly but few people are brave enough...especially if feeling ill , sick, in pain. 
best of luck 

I'm so sorry that you must endure this. Although I didn't experience it with my mother before she passed away, my father did and he is still fighting demons a year and three months later. I keep reminding him that it was the cancer and not his wife who loved him all those decades and would never do or say such things. 

The one measure of hope that he gets is from being and talking to others in similar situations. In my father's case, he finds hope by talking to a widow who lost her husband (and friend of my parents) just a couple months after my wife passed away due to Lou Gehrig's disease. 

So my advice would be to perhaps look for a support group composed of others in a similar situation. I know being on here and knowing I'm not the only one experiencing these things brought me tremendous peace leading up to my mother's death and even afterwards.

I was diagnosed the same in January 2019. I had chemo and and there was only a little bit left in my lung but the radiotherapy did not do much at alll. It is now back more in my lung and liver and I think bones. I have had a scan of my spine today so waiting for results. I know how your husband feels when I’m not doing anything I just stay in pjs all day but I love it when people come to visit like you said it makes make an effort. My partner just goes about life as normal he says he’s out but to the back of head. Don’t get me wrong he looks after me very well but it’s his way of dealing wowing it. Go o to the seaside, play loud happy music that’s what keeps me going and have just had 2 weeks in Mexico which was just what I needed. 
good luck and take care xxx

Hi 

I read your post and sought some comfort as I  can relate exactly how u feel!

my hubby has primary stomach/oesophagus stage 4 cancer that we learnt within the month of diagnosis in December that it’s spread to so many other places including bones. I think the only places he hasn’t got it is heart brain and lungs! 

We are under pilgrims who are amazing and for January we were busy with appointments researching planning chemo to manage symptoms and hubby had some hope... now February is here the hope has gone following 2weeks of no chemo due to infection and bloods low. Each day I see some deterioration and less of the man I married. His agitated all the time from feeling sick Constantly. We don’t really talk anymore his put such a distance between us there is no affection from him anymore and I’ve become the carer not his wife it’s heartbreaking.  I am completely drained and exhausted from keeping on top of everything and keeping up beat daily. 
Hubby sleeps often and I sit and cry and watch him this Cancer is the devil and destroying.

i want him to try and make most of each day he wakes knowing I am grateful it’s another day together but his not grateful his miserable and have every right to be and I just don’t know what to do. 
we don’t know how long we have but i suspect weeks/months and oncologist said up to a year or year and half.  
x