My Dad

dear  one of the things that has become clear to me during my time on the forum is that people who are receiving end of life care can not be forced to eat or drink if the desire is not there, they just don’t have the innate desire to eat what we would consider normally but only when they feel like it. I think respite care is an excellent idea at this point as they are the experts in pain relief and making sure the patient gets what they actually need rather than what we as layman think they need. The average respite care seems to be around 2 to 3  weeks and if the patient is stabilised they can return home and receive care from hospice at home etc. It’s good he has a DNR in his notes as this will reduce the risk of unnecessary distress if he is admitted into hospital in a emergency and there are any misunderstandings about his condition. I think you have a realistic approach to the situation and your sentiments are understandable as you only want the best possible ending for you dad.

Hi Jane

I completely understand where you're coming from and I agree with your comments on the issues with nutrition.  As much as it hurts I just wish he would just let go.  He won't be suffering anymore.

I seem to be grieving for someone who is still with us.  Although he may as well not be.

Just have to take each day as it comes.

Thanks for listening.  Will speak again soon.  I appreciate the chat.

hi Taranis

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am in a similar position, my dad was diagnosed on boxing day and has stopped eating and only drinks a small amount each day, maybe 500-1000ml. he also has a DNR and does not want to go into hospital or have any drips etc that may extend his life. he is very philosophical about it and its hard as hell. hes had 3 falls due to blood pressure dropping when he stands up.

I totally feel you are right in what you wish for him which is a peaceful end, I am the same. I may not agree with what my dad wants but I respect it. if its clear to the hospice nurses then I do not think for one minute they will force him to do anything, they are there to make him comfortable not distress him.

please don't feel guilty you clearly love him to bits and wants as peaceful an end as possible. I want the same for my dad :-(

sending huge hugs

S

Hi S

I am also sorry you are experiencing this most hated disease and also with your dad. 

But I thank you for your kind words.   A work colleague said to me recently he must be a very brave man.  As he knows what is going on.  He has been doing the same as your dad with nutrition.  He also seems to be starting to get a little confused.  It is really helpful to me to write on this forum.  It breaks my heart every single day as he is not the same man I grew up with.  He is a man in his late 60 but looks more like a man in his 90.

We have been told he has months left.  But I think it will most likely be weeks.  But how long is a piece of string.  At least he is in the right place.  We have to take each day as it comes.

Sending big hugs to you also.

Message me anytime hon. I’m glad I have somewhere to get advice and just talk as everyone’s looking to me at the moment and I feel I have to stay strong for them. You’ll probably be the same

Scooping you up with big hugs 

xxx

My heart goes out to you. I'm right there with you. My dad has bowel cancer with liver mets. He should have had his first chemo today but he just wasn't up to it. I rang the hospital and they think it's best if the oncologist sees him before we go any further . That will be Monday so another six days. Given all the side effects and his lack of strength I think we need to ask the question how long can we expect with and without treatment. None of us wants to ask but I think we need to know because they've told him the side effects of neuropathy and throat spasms are pretty much guaranteed that's before you add the nausea and diarrhoea. He already has diarrhoea due to the cancer.

I just wish I could help him