One of my best friends in Germany was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer, possibly secondary with primary unknown, in November 2018. Two months after radiotherapy-which went well-they found a tumor on his spine which they operated on. The histology found undifferentiated and fast growing cells, taking them back to the cancer with unknown primary diagnosis. Then, in early May, after doing another PET/CT scan because he was complaining about unbearable abdominal pain they found tumors on his liver, most likely stomach, the lymphnodes in that area, in his upper arm bone, rips, thigh and pelvis bones. They immediately started him on chemotherapy, Etoposide and Cisplatin. But still he was fairly upbeat and positive. About 10 days ago he asked the doctors about his life expectancy and everything changed! They gave him, should the chemo work, a few months to even fewer years. He completely broke down and is now very angry with everyone, especially with his wife and the 2 boys, 11 and 8 years old. They live in Germany, I visit regularly and call daily but now he doesn't want to talk on the phone anymore. His wife and sister tell me that he can be quite nasty now. They don't know what to do!
Hi
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's cancer diagnosis. I'm not surprised that everything changed when your friend was told how long he might have left to live. It must be a very scary place he now finds himself in. You may like to take a look at this information for people with advanced cancer where it says that feeling angry is a perfectly normal reaction to being told you have advanced cancer.
Unfortunately there will be times when he directs his anger, at the situation he finds himself in, at those closest to him. Could your friend's wife speak to her husband's CNS to find out what help is available for both her and her husband to learn how to deal with these feelings.
Although your friend might not feel like talking to you on the phone at the moment there are lots of other ways you can keep in touch. Take a look at the link I've just created and you'll see that texting someone is a good way of keeping in touch. Saying something like "I want you to know that I'm thinking of you but please don't feel you have to reply" means that your friend won't feel he's under pressure to respond if he doesn't feel ready to.
It sounds like you're a very good friend.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
