How to Help My Stoic Grandad

Hi Rihannon,

So sorry to hear about your grandad that is really tough for you.  I don't have any experience of terminal bowel cancer but my mum has terminal osephegous cancer and that has been hard to cope with too.  I am also sorry it is deteriorating much faster than expected, that must be tough to watch especially if you can't be there.  I live in an another country to my mum and I crave news on how she is doing so I can get how hard it is for you too.  I hope someone will respond who has being through a similar experience and you can feel supported in this time. 

Take care and look after yourself.

Thank you Ruth

I am so sorry to hear of your grandfather's diagnosis. My father had terminal bowel cancer and it was not an easy road. It sounds as though you are living far away from him. Perhaps you could help by being a listening ear for your relatives living closer who are directly involved in caring, or by ordering some home delivered meals for them if you have the resources (and know they have room in the freezer). Simply sending a card periodically to let them know you are thinking of them may be appreciated. 

If it seems appropriate to your relationship, perhaps you could send a small soft toy (teddy bear or whatever would be appropriate) for your Grandfather to hold. Consider also writing a letter to your Grandfather telling him all the things you remember and appreciate about your time with him, that you love him and will always hold him in your heart. If you are able to visit and speak your message to him in person, that's great. Otherwise, perhaps you could manage to read it to him over the phone (or by video chat). You may need to practice this a bit to help with your emotions. Failing that, perhaps you could ask a trusted relative to read it to him. Even if he does not appear to be awake he may be able to hear it, and you will have told him what he means to you.

I know every family is different and every relationship unique, so these ideas may not work for you and your family. I share them as suggestions of what was helpful in my own journey with a family member with this diagnosis. May you all find peace on your journey.