My 8 yo son was diagnosed with burkitt lymphoma in September 2020 he underwent intense chemotherapy and is now in remission since December.
I’m finding it really hard to socialise with people again and get my life back to “normal” I’m so angry at what others call problems I find myself ignoring calls and hiding away from close friends I can barely handle a hello and then I just nod my way through conversations, I have burning desire to tell everyone to f**k off.
I’m finding it really hard because my emotional journey through this I cannot express because nobody understands, knowing my son is in remission makes people tell me I should be happy and celebrating every day/ moment with my son. Of course I am over the moon he fought cancer and won, not everybody gets that luxury but it’s a process one I haven’t fully come to terms with. The memory’s of time in hospital are etched in my brain and some days are harder than others to stay on the positive side, my whole world fell apart the day I had that dreadful phone call and now I’m expected to have it all glued back together and everything figured out. I feel so alone and I don’t know how to get back to being me!
Hi Cfa91
I saw your post had not been answered and while I do not share your experience exactly I felt I could at least reach out to you.
It is my wife who has the cancer, Leiomyosarcoma, but my son has autism and perhaps that makes me feel closer to you. My son has also had a couple or operations and his tolerance of anaesthetics is not great - he definitely did a great dying swan act after both of those ops.
I certainly remember the time of looking at someone else's problems and thinking - what trivia you are blowing up out of all proportion - but really that did not do much about helping either them or me. So then Janice was ill again and I was close to breaking point when I walked in to the Maggies at my local hospital.
Then what turned me round was a living with less stress course. I was all the time thinking how will I cope after my wife has died when she was sitting in the chair beside me - and failing to appreciate every day. They gave me tools too that help me cope with the curve balls life seems to like to throw at us - 999 on speed dial is especially fun.
Our biggest heartbreak was one time we took Michael to the hospital to introduce him to Maggies if he wanted some support and as we drove in to the car park he asked "Are we coming here to leave mummy?" - guilt on our shoulders big time.
On here we all understand - we have been there done that so a warm welcome to our club.
<<hugs>>
Steve
