The next time.........

Hi Carl28 (Dave).. Oh yes, this is so irritating isn’t it. Are we only allowed to look like we are at death’s door when we have stage 4 cancer? Are they trying to say they don’t believe us? Is it belittling how awful we may feel despite “looking well”. I find myself telling people “I may not look like I have stage 4 cancer, but….”  Perhaps I should just stop. 

Not just me then! If I can be bothered I settle for "rearrange deceptive and appearances....."

Good luck, Dave 

The things other people say often leave me speechless!

 I have had ‘you look so well, are you sure it’s incurable?’ and 

‘there’s nothing wrong with you’re immune system, you’re the healthiest person I know’ and 

‘You’ll outlive us all’

Leaves me feeling unseen and unheard. I guess I will have to learn to be magnanimous 

J

I 

I get it all the time. I suppose I should be grateful that I look well. But I didn’t appreciate it when I went to London a while ago and really wanted a seat on the tube. My legs were like jelly after standing for a few stops. 
The next time I go, I think I’ll take a stick, not that I need it for walking around, but just so that someone might give up their seat for me. 

Yes - it was probably easier to be recognised as being in need when I was on chemo and had the cancer signifier of head wraps. As they say, not all disabilities are visible. 

I am a great fan of parkrun and during the worst of this I have volunteered more than I have participated. My favourite role is timekeeping and it’s usually about an hour of work so I take a folding stool. Last year I timekept at a different parkrun to my regular one, where the run director didn’t know me. 

RD “why do you need to sit down”

Me “because I have health issues”

RD “what sort of health issue?”

Me “I have metastatic cancer”

RD “what sort of cancer is that?”

Me “the sort that can’t be cured”

RD “oh”.  Significant pause. “How long do you have left?”

To this day I wish I had said “if you let me sit down I might have long enough to time in the last participant”. He was definitely digging when he should have stopped and probably wished the ground would open up and swallow him. 

That’s made me laugh. I know it’s funny not funny but i love that sense of humour Thankyou xxxxxx 

Yes it’s a story that has made a lot of people laugh. At the time I was gobsmacked but also found the humour 

Thanks everyone for sharing.  It made me smile .

If you liked that, you'll like this; five pages more of the same!   Starting to avoid people because of the silly things they say!!  

Thanks for the link, Mmum.

It's the be positive, be optimistic, you can beat it, mantra that annoys me! I've always tried to run my life on realism and logic. 

Optimism won't help when the trigger on the gun pointing at you has already been pulled........

Good luck, Dave 

Hi Carl28, only yesterday Mrs Tvman's friend from work came to see her (they're both retired now) and when she arrived I went to see her to welcome her and she said that I was looking very well. I let it sink in before I said later that we in this Incurables forum find it on the whole, slightly amusing that people should say that to us and I went on to explain that we don't always, or even seldom, look like death warmed up! I think she saw the error of her ways although she did have a slightly puzzled look!

Tvman x