How do I order up a couple of grandkids for my 30 year old kids?

I am sorry you don’t have any grandchildren as yet Mr U . I say as yet because these things can change. 

I am an only child and I didn’t initially want kids. It used to drive me mad when my parents kept asking. I did eventually succumb at 32 which was relatively old for those times and then went on to have a second a few years later. I swore I would never nag my children about it, nor do any of the other things that irritated me (eg mentioning they had put on weight, that I didn’t like their latest hairstyle etc). 

When I was first diagnosed with mets I felt the doomsday clock was tolling. Neither of my children had kids at that point and I worried (in silence) that I would die without seeing grandchildren. Then last year, my daughter in law (36) and daughter (33) both produced to our and their delight. 

I don’t think you can ever influence someone yo have a child they are not ready for. I think affordability is a huge issue these days. But I hope it happens for you too. 

And welcome to this forum. I read your blog from time to time but I don’t think I have seen you here before. 

Thanks.

I’ve not been here before, you are correct.

When you say affordability of having a child, which I wrote on one days blog, but there can not be a harder time than when they were born in the early 90’s when my Darling and I were in massive negative equity. We managed, just about.

They do understand that we had it hard, but there’s is a lifestyle choice and even though I offered 10k as a humorous incentive a while ago in last summer there was no discussion.

We struggled and now I’m checking out early without any use of my life’s worth and savings let alone the state pension, and I’m heart broken that they’ll get the proceeds for fun.

It sounds irrational but I’m not handling it well. I’ve worked all my life and my childless kids will reap the benifit without worrying about handing on their life worth to their family because they’ll have none.

But you’re right. Lots of older kids have families late. But I’m not going to know.

hey-hoe

Thats life (as Esther used to say)

Yes, mine were born in the times of negative equity too but I don’t think we struggled with affordability then. Perhaps because I was born in a 2 up 2 down with no bathroom and an outside loo I had lower expectations than my children who were born into relative luxury. I am sorry it’s so upsetting for you but I don’t think trying to force it will help. You have no idea what’s really going on. It may be they just don’t want children. I have to say the state the world is in does make me worry somewhat for my two new grandchildren. 

 Mr U  I understand how you feel . I have 3 girls, 33, 30 and 25 years old. One is married, the other 2 are in their own homes and have good relationships. Not one of my girls is interested in having children. I love being a mum, I adore my girls, but I know what relationship my girls had with their grandmother, and I desperately want that! All of my friends are grandmas, my sister has 9! 9 grandchildren! How greedy is that! I only want one! 

This weekend I decided that it’s just not going to happen, I don’t want to be a sick and poorly grandma, I want to be able to do all the fun things with my grand kids, so I need to accept that’s it’s not going to happen.but it sucks. People keep saying to me that it will happen one day……but that one day will be too late for me.  

I hear you. I really hear you.

I wish there was something I could say to help.

Times changes but the reasons stay the same for having kids. It’s in you or it isn’t.

Take care

An interesting discussion. Mrs E and I put our parents through this - all the more hers, she was an only child whereas my sister presented my parents with two grandchildren.

It wasn't deliberate of course, it just happened while we were busy with other things.

Married in our native Yorkshire in 1978, we went to work in London for 8 years, returned up north and spent years working, travelling, and generally having a good time. Eventually we realised we'd been set in our ways and it was too late for children so here we are. I'm 70 in July and she's 4 years behind me.

Having survived lung cancer in 2014, prostate cancer in 2014 with recurrence in 2024 and now incurable, I'm doing OK  but realise Mrs E is highly likely to survive me, possibly for quite a long time.

The point of this - it is now a great personal regret that, when I shuffle off, she's left without children, and possibly grandchildren, who would be best equipped to look out for her.

But such is life and time can't be turned back. If only the younger generation could imagine what it's like when you get older and your sell by date is approaching things might be different?

Don't get me wrong, we have had, and are still having, a great time but there has to be a lesson in there for someone?

Derek.

PS - great blog Mr U, I've never missed an episode.

Thanks for you own personal insights excavator ,

It’s a choice you make as a couple, innocently sometimes, by the way you live and not even noticing that the countdown clock has already stopped.

Oh, bugger! Another one bites the dust.

My own personal moment I can remember even now as clear as day.

After years of being together while our friends chosen paths were either gifted by mistake or throttled back by natural disappointment it was a long while before my Darling did that about turn and told me she’d like to have a baby. My Darling and I were always together on decisions and I followed in the wake of this huge new world that was about to engulf us.

We were 27 and 26 years old and she thought she’d run out of time if she left it too long. I went along, with confidence in us as a couple, to survive all that England and John Major could throw at us.

Although my Darling was born 13th born of 15 in the county of Meath, Eire — I was middle of three.

We struggled to get the two we had and love them best we can. I’m sure they try their best to love us too. But at 58 (3 years ago) I became a statistic on a list I never knew existed. A list that never gets longer though new names appear on it every day.

Now I’m more interested in another statistical list to do with births in England.

Lordy, Lordy, what have we done? I didn't realise at the time that we were square pegs in square holes and our kids are not sure whether to bother at all with all that love that comes from creation and becoming a parent.

The long and short of this thought process put down in writing for all to see is the conclusion that I’m struggling big time with my beautiful family we struggled so hard to nurture is not ever going to be the “norm” — at least where grandkids are concerned.

I’m sorry to be so selfish.