If there something I’m continually being chalky with is not having any sign of grandkids.
If only my pair of kids with their wife and fiancé would take the hint I’ve made out loud umpteen times, to give me a grandkid to love and cherish and especially and selfishly take my mind away from the cancer.
I don’t want cats and dogs, i want another generation.
A generation that would be carrying a flawed gene I their view and nothing to sing and dance about.
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When I think back to my own circumstances, my wife said one day let’s have kids, so we did. It wasn’t very successful at the start with too many failures (miscarriages) (possibly girls?) but eventually had two boys.
But the last thing in our mind was the cancer in her family and the copd too. There was no history on my side so we didn’t know if there was any hereditary diseases but nor did we care.
Our perfect kids made our lives.
Our babies were not designer.
Our babies were loved for what they are.
Our children have no interest in having kids and it killing me.
I want my and my wife’s toil to be worth something other than two kids, I wand grandkids. Is it much to ask!
I'm so sad inside about it but my family can’t grasp how desperately important it is to me.
i don’t want to twist the kids arms I want them to want kids too.
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Every time someone on this forum (prostate especially) mentions their bloody grandkids I could cry. It’s not fair. It really isn’t. I’m ashamed to say.
Sorry, it’s smithing I just had to say…
I don’t think you are being selfish at all. I think we have this idea of what our family will look like, and having cancer escalates those feelings. I know that I have been desperate to be a grandma for at least 8 years, I have been incurable for 12. I have made my thoughts very clear to my girls, and they in return have done the same to me. But I think if I didn’t have this diagnosis I probably wouldn’t feel that desperation. I would probably still be working full time, and enjoying my couple time with mr Simo without the girls being home. But instead I am home alone the majority of the time, with too many thoughts, and lots of social media posts from friends posting “I’m going to be a nanna again”. I will admit I get jealous.
I always wanted to be a mum, and had my first when I was 23. But in 1995 I had the test for BRCA and I knew that if it was positive I wouldn’t have any more children. Luckily it was negative, so I was lucky to have 2 more girls. Cancer still got me at a young age though, 39, and I got the incurable diagnosis 5 years later. My youngest was 12, so she has lived with me being incurable for half of her life. It has affected her greatly, through her teens into young adult life, and I get why she feels the way she does. I hate how my cancer has affected my girls, and telling them all at such a young age that I had cancer was a nightmare that replays in my head.
But our ideal family may not turn out the way we wished even without cancer. A friend of mine has 2 grandsons, but she hasn’t seen them for years! Her daughter moved the family to Australia, and she has watched her grandsons grow up on video calls. That’s not how I would want to be a grandma, that is torture.
As Derek has said, it’s a very interesting thread, and you are certainly not alone in your feelings. I am trying to accept that it’s not going to happen for me, but of course I would be over the moon if I got that call.
I don't believe you are being selfish Mr U, just normal like so many other people.
Derek.
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I am sorry you have these worries about Mrs E, and I can fully understand you feeling that way. That is one of the things I said to my girls, who would be there to look after you when you are old. I also want them to experience being a mother as much as I want to experience being a grandma. I am sure they will have regret later in life, but I won’t be here to say “I told you” as much as I would take great pleasure in saying so.
I have friends that don’t have children, it just never happened, so it’s not always a choice. And I have family who carry the BRCA gene that are now having to make that choice themselves. It’s not always easy.
