Struggling with uncertainty

Just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is what we all have experienced and still are . I don’t have any answers or quick fixes for these feelings but by contacting this group you will find many kind souls who share and try to support each other . Keep in touch and I will be keeping you in my thoughts as you wait for your results. X Chris 

Thank you xx

Hi. There are plenty of people on this forum who are still living and enjoying life well beyond expectations. I have found empowerment in my prognosis (other than medication to help maintain bone density I am not on active treatment) but that only came with acceptance. Yes, I can’t do some of things I used to but there remains plenty I can do. I went on a cruise to Iceland earlier in the year and have lots of weekends away - will be popping over to Italy to watch rugby in December. Cancer means your life changes but it does not stop.

A good local cancer support group will help you socialise - mine as a weekly get together over coffee, a monthly curry club and for August laid on Fire & Feast events, as well as providing health and well-being support.

That said all of us get down from time to time. I’m just coming out of a rough patch but can feel my positivity returning.

Go and do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do - it’s great medicine!

All the best.

Tom

Hi Gotthistogether

I don't think you're being unrealistic at all! A 'normal' life is achievable, especially when you do go onto the maintenance dose of any drugs. It just becomes part of your routine....at least in my experience, that is what happened.

I'm not saying my life is exactly like it was before cancer, but I find it is OK living with it, after 2 years.

Yes, I think it does change your outlook, having what you know is an incurable illness. Sometimes, I feel a pressure to do as many 'nice' things as I can, whilst I'm still capable, but then I realise that the pressure I'm feeling is self-imposed, and doesn't feel good. I don't like feeling I've 'wasted' a day by pottering about, but I'm the only one who is going to judge that!

Living with uncertainty is hard, but when you stop and think about it, every single person alive now is living with uncertainty. No-one can predict when we will die, not even oncologists. It may be from cancer, or an accident, or another medical condition entirely. Why worry about it? We can't prevent it, or avoid it.....so the only thing to do, in my opinion, is accept I will die sometime, and make the best of the time I have now. But if I feel like a day of doing nothing, I do that too! 

It is hard, I accept that, and I've found I don't plan anything more than a month ahead. My goal is to be able to get my state pension! That is just over a year away. I hope I can manage that!

XXX Kate

Hi GTT, As you can tell by the replies here, we have all been through what you are going through now! Everyone has their own way of coping but it takes longer with some Han with others. When I was diagnosed, I stopped buying clothes because I thought what is the point if I'm not going to be here to wear them and it leaves something else for my family to pass onto the charity shop. However when I was still around at Christmas (after the oncologist saying I wouldn't see it) I thought I had to buy something nice for my last Christmas with my family. That was in 2014. So 10 years since dx and 8 years since my last treatment! Don't get me wrong, it has been a difficult journey sometimes but here I am enjoying the grandchildren I shouldn't have seen, going on holiday, short breaks etc I cannot do a lot of the things I used to do but once I accepted life was going to be different, my new life, I try to take each day as it comes and enjoy it! As much as possible I forget about the negative and concentrate on the positive! 

Hi Anndanv

Your post gave me a wry chuckle to myself....concerning buying new clothes etc. I have done exactly the same, looking through my wardrobe and thinking I can make do with what I've got, even though I've lost weight and several pairs of trousers head south when I put them on!

XXX Kate

Hi Kate, It just shows how we all think pretty much the same. Now is the time to start thinking differently and buying some new clothes that fit you now. I'm sure it will make you feel good!

Thank you. That's really encouraging  I am a naturally positive person but I've just let my mind go to places that I don't usually and everything has happened so quicky. I was also initially told it was grade 2 and 'totally fixable' to CT scan changing it to a 3 then PET scan to a 4 within a fortnight. With the support of comments on here I'm getting my positivity back on track. 

Lots of love. Liz xx

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It has really helped. No one should have to go through this but it has also been so supportive to hear from others in the same boat. I'm getting my more positive head back on!

Love and hugs Liz xx

• Hi. Thank you for your reply - such an encouraging journey you have to share and I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my ramblings. Definitely enjoy a good clothes shop. I seem to have been buying more not less! 

Lots of love Liz xx