Pessimistic and no faith!

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Morning all, hope you are all keeping well.

Had an appointment with my Oncologist yesterday, he authorised another 9 chemo's. But I haven't yet had a scan to see what effect the first round of chemo has had. He said on the basis of questions he's asked  me, my responses and the look of the area concerned is a clear indicator that the chemo has had some effect on the tumour. This is positive news right? But still I am mentally unable to accept it and remain pessimistic to safeguard myself. I believe this is because I have no faith and went through such a bad rollercoaster time when they were trying to find a diagnosis. I mean amongst other mishaps they completed a scan and advised me it wasn't cancer I had a bleed. Yeah right, I actually had a 15 cm tumour, how the hells bells do you miss that on a scan huh!! Now when they give me positive news, I struggle to accept it as I'm so scared they'll give me hope but then only take it away again down the line. Does anybody else feel this way?

Food shopping today and I think a cream cake is in order! Hope you all enjoy your day whatever it is you may be doing. 

  • Hi Marie,  it's great you had a go at biking yesterday and well done for having a go,, though the aches and pains were a certainty  but hopefully you'll recover quickly and feel better for it. 

    Thanks Marie, for the evening spectacular info, my friend who invited me, we like to play practical jokes on each other, payback time I think 

    Love Rutland Water,  though not heard of the water park, sounds fab, though I thought the new action girl you are would be joining in LOL, 

    I would definitely recommend the Spa at Underscar and the  Yorkshire Bridge inn, there both fab.

    Drive to sons,  then on to Wales  were incident free, lovely  B&B text to the beach perfect 

    Little info on Tai Che,  make sure they are qualified, and Qigong is nice way to get into it 

    Marie, I feel fine and couldn't be happier, PM you to tell you why, have  a wonderful time today and with your helicopter ride tomorrow.

    love Eddie xx 

  • Good morning Marie, hope your feeling well and having lots of fun with family, how was it at Rutland yesterday were you tempted into the water,  even for a paddle and would you say it's suitable for 3 to 5 year olds . Today is helicopter day ,WOW flying over Chatsworth is going to be amazing and it looks like the weather is perfect too. PS Yorkshire Bridge Inn is only 12 miles away though Bakewell and Chatsworth are really nice as well, have a wonderful day 

    Our last day in Wales but not heading home till 5pm so we are going to Pwllheli for the beaches, we're going to try to get Sheila into the sea, then off to Porthmadog to get some presents and home.

    Heart MOT tomorrow morning and off to Tromso in the afternoon for 4 nights, it's a hard life 

    Marie,  if you read your PMs you would know my son and DIL are expecting twins in January, 

    Say hi to everyone for me and have fun.

    love Eddie xx 

  • Good afternoon. Rutland water was great, grandson enjoyed it. He said though it was hard work. When he fell into the water he said it was really difficult to get back on to the inflatables. So maybe isn't a good idea for a 3 -5 year old. I didn't see anyone that young there. Well you won't believe it but the the helicopter trip never happened. They cancelled due to technical difficulties?? They asked Amy to rebook and when she went online to do it the first available booking was June of next year. Ridiculous! I hope she can have a refund. It sounds like you have had a wonderful time in Wales. Did you get Sheila swimming? Hope so. I really hope your heart MOT goes well. And then to Tromso. Wow that's awesome. You're going to have an amazing time of it. Been to hospital today for picc dressing changed and then opticians for eye check. My eyesight has deteriorated of late so really glad to be buying myself a new pair. I'm feeling well thanks for asking. Still feeling tired and core strength isn't great but I'm not unduly worried. Think coming off the steroids has had some impact in this respect. Take care and hope to hear from you soon x

  • Hi Marie, lovely to hear grandson had a great . thank you for your heads up regarding toddlers though you never mentioned what you got up to at the water park 

    So sorry your helicopter ride was cancelled,  did you have to turn up to be told or did they let you know earlier, if I was Amy I would be getting a refund,  June next year, for  us!!!. What did you do instead did you still go to the peak district or was the proverbial wind knocked out of your sail.

    Wales has been lovely, Criccieth is fab as is the whole region, highly recommend it,  no luck getting Sheila to swim, everyone else even Poppy had a wonderful time in the water. Her forfeit was to buy dinner 

    My hearts good, my EF and RHB are fab, my bloods all year have been good and my working heart beat rarely goes over 110 bpm, so have done all I can, whether that's enough we will know tomorrow

    To be honest Marie, we've not given Tromso much thought lately, everything has been sorted weeks ago.

    Never knew you had problems with your eyes,  will the new glasses help your eyes as well as helping you to see better, I often think of getting my eyes tested, I know their not perfect and it's been 47yrs since my last tests,

    I'm happy to hear your feeling we'll Marie, and it's difficult for us to know how hard to push ourselves and how much our condition and treatment affects us so I would always be careful as a muscle or tendon tear would put us back months.

    I'm pretty sure Norway has the Internet,  so will be on the forum when I can, PS looking forward to what you will be doing over the next few days.

    love Eddie xx 

  • Good morning. We just sat and enjoyed the sunshine at the water park and walked some of Rutland park. I had no desire to go in the water. It was definitely a sporty water activity. Grandson enjoyed it. Regarding the helicopter they emailed Amy the day before. She has asked for a refund but as yet nobody has got back to her hmmmmmm!!! Grandson went to play football with his friend. He has a friend here but he has been on holiday in France. Back now though. We didn't go to the peak district no, I stayed home and pottered. The biking Sherwood forest did me no favours lol Wales is beautiful and I would like to see more of it. Glad you have had a lovely time. Was it too cold for Sheila to swim? Maybe next time huh. Hope all has gone well with your heart. You deserve good news you have done amazingly well. Regarding my eyes I'm long and short sighted that's all. Glasses help massively yes. Without them my vision can be blurred when trying to read or look into the distance. Mind you the optician noted I have deposits around my eyes. He said it can mean high cholesterol and asked I ring the GP. I'll do that today. I believe today we are going shopping and a bite to eat. Grandson goes home tomorrow and Amy is going to get him some new school shoes. How are you and are you in Norway? How exciting!! Enjoy and take care x

  • Morning Marie,  Rutland still sounds like a lovely place, maybe take a trip later,  glad you all enjoyed it unlike your helicopter ride, what a disappointment, it's nice they let you know and I'm sure A will get a refund, eventually, sorry to hear your still paying for the bike ride Marie you really must learn to pace yourself, your always trying to do too much too quickly, Wales is beautiful Marie, we hope to go back soon, water was lovely and we found a beach all to ourselves but Sheila wouldn't join us,

    Just arrived at hospital, 1st  test soon will get most of my results today but not MRI will let you know how I get on 

    Happy to hear your eyes are ok with glasses on and I hope GP appointment brings good news, 

    Shopping and lunch with family sounds good to me and really glad you had your grandson for a few days.

    Still at hospital, hoping to  done for  13 30  as we catch the train to London just before 15.00 PS all our bags are already in the car just in case, expecting to get to Tromso after 11pm.

    love Eddie xx 

  • Good morning. You're absolutely right. I don't recognise my limitations sometimes and take on a challenge just to see how I do then regret it. I hope all your tests went well. Everything crossed for you. And I'm guessing you're having the most wonderful time in Tromsø. Awesome! Can't wait to hear all your news. Had a lazy day yesterday. D was supposed to drive grandson home but at the last minute he decided he'd like to stay till Sunday. Today we're going to the Chatsworth festival. There's a few activities I'm looking forward to seeing and I hope I get to see the hot air balloons although the times they ascend are ridiculously early. Think there is one at 6 30 in the evening so we shall see how goes it. Enjoy your day and take care x

  • Hope you have a great day out at Chatsworth Marie!

    Your grandson is very lucky, having grandparents that take him to so many interesting places. It's no wonder he didn't want to go home!

    Enjoy!

    Kate

  • Thank you Kate. Well he was ummmin and arrrin about going lol Not that it would have stopped me lol I hope you are well. Enjoy your day whatever you may be doing x

  • Good morning Marie, it's afternoon here, I have mentioned your trying to do too much on your good days before, but I can't criticise as since getting to Tromso on  Thursday I have been in bed, Dr put it down to doing too much and missing too many meals, so 2 days in bed and eat more, feel better today and Sheila has booked a couple more days 

    Tests all went well, just  MRI to come and will pop in to see her next Friday for them as well as all the cardio/oncology partnership notes so I can go to my MDT meeting well armed. 

    The Chatsworth festival sounds fab,  any chance of getting on one of the balloons, great to hear your grandson is stopping longer, have a great time today and I hope your feeling a little better and hopefully a little wiser, lots of yummy things to buy in Chatsworth.

    love Eddie xx