Pessimistic and no faith!

you had a busy day! All sounds so wonderful. Glad you are in a happy place, long may it last and I hope your massage went well. What did you bake?

chemo went well thank you and the chemo nurse actually got my PICC line working which was a first, that's good. She was very assertive and put the previous problems down to reluctant nurses. We shall see  how goes it next time. 

what plans have you for today. I'm wondering whether or not to start to attempt tidying the garden. Should I feel up to it I shall have a bash. I can always stop should I feel bad. I always call Tuesday, steroid Tuesday, after been pumped with them yesterday I'm usually quite hyper so today may be a good day.

enjoy your day and take care

Morning Marie really happy your trip to the hospital went well and your PICC sorted too, is yours a 1, 2 or 3 lumen, Sheila had one about 14 years ago, I made a couple of cheesecakes, a fruit pie and cornflake buns for the little ones, today i am doing an identity and loss course 5th of 8, seeing my cardiologist and then relaxation therapy at Maggies, As i love gardening i would tell you to get out there, but listen to your body, regarding steroids my treatment blocks my production of testosterone so I'm not quite the man I used to be, but I like the new me. take care.

Eddie

Good morning, it's a 2. I'm glad too it was sorted. From having cancer previously in 2010 and been pin cushioned to death I developed a needle phobia. Now when I have to give blood the normal way or they try to insert a canula results in me passing out lol I may laugh but I feel dreadful when it happens. Wow that's a lot of baking, that's fab. I hope it turned it well and everybody enjoyed it. I didn't get out in the garden, it was raining. And it's raining today so not likely today either. Good to hear you like the new you, that's the way to go. How was your identity and loss course and relaxation therapy? Anything on today? I'm lazy and reading  my book and watching TV. Oh and cooking stew and dumplings

Morning Marie, I'm sorry to hear you have a needle phobia though not uncommon though i guess you have tried a few things to get over it., when you say you feel dreadful is that physical or stressful. Baking went well though messed up cornflake buns. Maria if you want to garden when it's raining you need a green house or 6. Identity +loss course is great but very new so we are all guinea pigs in a way, Didn't get to relaxation as cardio appointment put back a hour, but luckily can do it Thursday. Have an anxiety course today and counsellor who runs it wants to do a group for terminal cancer patients and wants me to help her. Lazy day sounds nice as does a good book, but TV not for me. Love stew and dumplings but dumplings must float, Sheila and ne off to Leeds today by train, disabled pass, so free. 

Eddie

good morning and hope you are well. After I pass out, when on coming round I feel physically dreadful. Really dizzy and weak. Usually I just sleep. They've said my veins are crap but them fiddling around for ages trying to get them to work is what distresses me. We haven't got a green house, you're right, we certainly need one. Once the rain stops and pending how I feel, I'll be out there. You are so very active, what a grand job you do. Sorry you missed your relaxation but happy you get to do it today instead. How did your anxiety course go? That sounds fabulous  a group for terminal cancer patents, what a great idea and you will do a fab job in helping, that's going to be great. The stew and dumplings were yummy and I believe the dumplings float. That's probably because I didn't do them lol my partner did. What happened to your cornflake buns? Leeds, what a fabulous city. Did you enjoy and what did you get up to?

Morning Marie,, not allowed chemo so can't help, though recently started passing out occasionally .which as you say is not nice though i can relate to having crap veins i have got to know two nurses who manage to put the needle in with no issues and ask for appointments when they will be there. I would have to give up my allotment if i didn't have greenhouses as often too cold for me and it's a long season from sowing to harvesting, I am very lucky to still be able to do the things I am doing so making the most of it while i can.  Anxiety course was ok, though as two ladies there have terminal cancer  i now have two more friends who have put their names down for the terminal  workshop. Have a managing memory group just before relaxation therapy today at Maggies in Leeds, Didn't get to Leeds yesterday due to rain, Great the stew and dumplings were a hit and isn't it nice to cook/bake with someone, I added a tiny amount oy water to melted chocolate as it was very thick completely forgetting it makes the cornflakes go a little soft. Hope the memory course helps LOL. Enjoy your day whatever you do

Eddie

Good morning and hope you are keeping well. I'm sorry to hear you're passing out, do you know why? I know one thing somebody once told me to eat a Mars bar and drink a lucozade before having the needle and will prevent passing out. It actually works. It pushes up your blood sugars apparently. When I have no other option, this is my go to lol I'm glad you have a couple of nurses who manage to do it with no issues. I know what you mean, unfortunately some nurses lack that confidence and wiggle the needle around, this is when my anxiety goes up. How wonderful having an allotment. There is one not far from where we live. Next door has a plot there and often brings me vegetables. There is no denying there is something special about home grown veg. I still didn't get out in the garden yesterday, it was chucking it down again. It will clear up soon. You are doing extremely well doing the things you love, you are strong and resilient, keep on keeping on. How did your managing memory group and relaxation therapy go? Hope you enjoyed. Sorry you didn't get to Leeds. That darn rain huh. You can go next time. I do love soggy cornflakes with hot milk, that doesn't help with your baking though lol You won't make that mistake again huh. I'm at hospital today again, for bloods, it soon comes round. Whatever you may be doing, enjoy

Morning Marie, i pass out only for a few seconds, and not every time when i open my bowels which as i experience no issues apart from a little blood and no pain is puzzling had my allotment a long time, was my getaway though now share with family i go every day i can i havn't really done much since November. Managing memory group over 5 weeks, never learned much but the guys doing the group are great. No relaxation as had to get home. Finally got my oncology appointment letter yesterday along with 4 others, sunny today makes a change. I have HT jab today injected into stomach so nurse should have no problem finding that. My oldest's birthday today so we will take her out, good luck at the hospital hope it goes well and you get on the garden today. there are only two things i don't eat rhubarb for how it affects you and hot milk which tastes awful, a friend of mine recently got a polytunnel and in four days of ordering it, it was put up by the company and ready to use, take care.

Eddie

Good morning and hope you are well. I'm sorry to hear about your passing out experiences. It's not nice, I empathise. Hospital went well yesterday, can't believe the picc line was still working. It was a walk in the park, long may it last. Some nurses just have what it takes huh. Hope you're back on your allotment soon, the right day will come. I didn't make the garden yesterday either. After the hospital we went to do the food shop and when we got back I didn't feel up to it. Delayed for another day. That's great news you have your oncology appointment, not great news what you've had to go through to get it mind. Still, I hope all goes well with it. Please excuse my ignorance but what is the HT jab? Happy belated birthday to your oldest. I hope you went somewhere nice and had much fun. This polytunnel sounds interesting, I shall take a look at that and thank you for the tip. Today, I will either browse the local high street and get a pub lunch or I would like to do the Hopton Hall snowdrop walk. But may do that tomorrow and have a pub sunday roast. I do love a good sunday roast. I shall see how my mood takes me. What plans have you? Take care and enjoy your day. 

Morning Marie, Isn't it great when a hospital visit goes smoothly  good to see you have plans for the weekend, always like a meal at the pub but not fussed about shopping, though Hopton Hall sounds nice which isn't far from where i took my daughter yesterday, Welbeck farm shop which was lovely. Sorry to hear not up to gardening just yet, i only potter about need a little warm sunshine to get the body going, though will go today as family are coming and have done a little baking and bought some bits at the farm yesterday so friends on allotment can share lunch. HT hormone therapy injection every 3 months my only treatment until things get difficult, Tomorrow dinner at youngest daughters farm, as she has 5 kids is always a fun time and have to finish a T-shirt for Identity + loss therapy group illustrating who you were before your cancer diagnosis, start post diagnosis one at next weeks meeting. My oncology appointment is with one of the team and not the oncologist but that's ok as long as i get some answers. thankfully have not passed out lately so maybe no more. Marie I don't know if Worksop is close to you but there is a cancer charity called Aurora Wellbeing there who are wonderful, enjoy your weekend.

Eddie