Pessimistic and no faith!

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Morning all, hope you are all keeping well.

Had an appointment with my Oncologist yesterday, he authorised another 9 chemo's. But I haven't yet had a scan to see what effect the first round of chemo has had. He said on the basis of questions he's asked  me, my responses and the look of the area concerned is a clear indicator that the chemo has had some effect on the tumour. This is positive news right? But still I am mentally unable to accept it and remain pessimistic to safeguard myself. I believe this is because I have no faith and went through such a bad rollercoaster time when they were trying to find a diagnosis. I mean amongst other mishaps they completed a scan and advised me it wasn't cancer I had a bleed. Yeah right, I actually had a 15 cm tumour, how the hells bells do you miss that on a scan huh!! Now when they give me positive news, I struggle to accept it as I'm so scared they'll give me hope but then only take it away again down the line. Does anybody else feel this way?

Food shopping today and I think a cream cake is in order! Hope you all enjoy your day whatever it is you may be doing. 

  • Good morning and hope I find you well. Back home last night and not long in bed. It is a long journey. We had the most wonderful time. Cottage was gorgeous, weather wasn't bad. We got to visit many places, St Andrews, Cairngorms, pitlochry, braemar, carnoustie, Montrose, arbroath, Falkirk, Edinburgh. It was awesome. We visited a good few castles, glamis, Balmoral, Menzies, craigievar, my favourite as it was pink. Stunning scenery and yummy food. All in all, wonderful time. Feeling pretty well, stomach has been fine, although I know that will no doubt change when I have my chemo.

    I hope everyone is keeping well. Not up to much today here. Emptying my case and getting my washing done. Whatever you may be doing enjoy x

  • I'm so pleased you had such a great holiday Marie!

    I've been wondering how you got on. Glad your stomach didn't play up.

    Don't rush to do the washing, it can wait a day or two. Just chill and recover from the travelling!

    Hugs

    Kate

  • Good afternoon Marie, good to hear your home safely and more importantly you have had a wonderful time, that is so nice to hear you both deserved a fab holiday,  and got to see some lovely places hope you had a smokie in Arbroath, and aren't the Cairngorms amazing and  beautiful, and I'm happy to hear your tummy was good so you could enjoy all those yummies, hope you brought some home, maybe as a gift for a friend.  Busy week last week, back to usual now though we are going to Scotland next Saturday, latest is 13 of us going, enjoy the laundry I'm off to see the newest member of the family again.

    Eddie xx 

  • I fell asleep on the couch yesterday so yes Kate you was right I needed to rest and not do anything. Think I'd be doing the same today but I have chemo this afternoon. Back to the grind huh. 

    I did have a smokie in arbroath yes. How yummy. One of my favorites. We also had an Italian in Leith in Edinburgh and has to be the best I've had. Tha Cairngorms was absolutely stunning. Isn't Scotland the most beautiful place and I've still not seen most of it. That's awesome you're going on Saturday. 13 of you!! That's ace. What an amazing time you are going to have. Where are you heading and how long for? How is that beautiful grandchild of yours? Hope you had a wonderful time yesterday. What plans have you today? Whatever everyone is doing enjoy and take care x

  • Hi Marie

    Did you go and see the Kelpies when you visited Falkirk?

    I've never seen them in 'real' life, but did see the prototypes that were made before the big ones...sort of miniature Kelpies, when they went on a tour around the country. I've seen footage of them on TV....they look amazing!

    Did you get to the poison garden at Alnwick? Or are you saving that for another trip??

    Keep chillin'!

    Hope the chemo goes OK.

    Kate

  • Hi Marie, chemo day again Boooo, everything crossed it goes well for you, I'm so happy you have loved Scotland I guess you might be going back, maybe the west coast and Islands next time, which is where we are going, it's  this Thursday now as I have to get back Tuesday for a meeting. I'm hoping everyone gets on with my aunt and and  her partner so they can stop longer , Mandy is fab a little angel and mum is doing really well. Had dinner with some friends then off to the farm, Sheila has a bug so she's keeping her distance, so all good, hope she's ok for Thursday , or she's not coming, oh dear, LOL. 

    Eddie xx 

  • Sorry to hear Sheila isn't well Eddie....hope she does recover in time to go to Scotland with you all.

    Puddock

  • Hi Puddock, Sheila's fine .she will be ok for Thursday, I'm keeping away because if I get it I wont be allowed in the hospice,

    Eddie xx

  • Good morning. Yes Kate we went to see the kelpies, they were amazing. Especially on an evening when they are lit up. Amazing. We also went to see the Falkirk wheel and saw it in action. What an amazing structure. We didn't make the poison garden. There was delays due to an accident and it was too late to go. Next time huh. 

    Chemo went well. They actually rang me to go in early. I was in and out. There's a first. Had the usual off day yesterday, stomach and bowel issues and feeling dizzy. Slept most of the day. Don't feel as bad today but will see how goes it. I believe you are on route to Scotland today Eddie. Have the most amazing time and I do hope Sheila is feeling better. Oh yes for sure I would go back and visit all I have not seen. I would love to visit the Isle of Skye and shetlands and orkney islands. That would be ace. Enjoy Eddie and take care. 

    We have sunshine today. Not up to much mind. Pottering in the garden. Enjoy your day and take care x

  • Good morning Marie, they actually called you and saw you early, shows they can do it if they try. sorry your still having a rough time after treatment, have they offered anything else to help or are you ok if it's only going to be for a day or so, at least you have a good idea how your recovery will go after your chemo session and know what to do, and what not to do to help yourself through it. Sheila s feeling much better thank you, but she's not coming to Scotland, i hoped she would this time, will PM why, so down to 12 of us, i have 1.30 appointment which is important so should be off about 3pm, PS there's a spare seat Marie. The highlands & Island are amazing you must go one day "spare seat", I was born there, Oban, and have been going back every year sometimes 2 or 3 times a year for 40 years and been everywhere, you would love it, even having been 80+ times I still get excited, Never been to the northern Isles but Skye & Mull are fab, look after yourself.

    Eddie xx