Pessimistic and no faith!

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Morning all, hope you are all keeping well.

Had an appointment with my Oncologist yesterday, he authorised another 9 chemo's. But I haven't yet had a scan to see what effect the first round of chemo has had. He said on the basis of questions he's asked  me, my responses and the look of the area concerned is a clear indicator that the chemo has had some effect on the tumour. This is positive news right? But still I am mentally unable to accept it and remain pessimistic to safeguard myself. I believe this is because I have no faith and went through such a bad rollercoaster time when they were trying to find a diagnosis. I mean amongst other mishaps they completed a scan and advised me it wasn't cancer I had a bleed. Yeah right, I actually had a 15 cm tumour, how the hells bells do you miss that on a scan huh!! Now when they give me positive news, I struggle to accept it as I'm so scared they'll give me hope but then only take it away again down the line. Does anybody else feel this way?

Food shopping today and I think a cream cake is in order! Hope you all enjoy your day whatever it is you may be doing. 

  • Are you still in the Peak District Eddie, or back at home?

    I did go out this morning, then did some gardening....removing ivy from the top part of a wall. it was very satisfying! And it instantly allowed more light into that part of the garden, which it needs. Then I acted as a taxi for my husband, who wanted a lift to the pub. No buses at the right time on a Saturday. I dropped him off then went on the beach with Candy.

    I did manage to connect with a builder/roofer, so that is organised now for the week after next. I'm getting all the guttering replaced too, so looking forward to that. Want to make sure the house is maintained as well as it can be.

    My stomach pains seem to have stopped....hope it stays that way! Sorry to hear your feet are sore. Try soaking them in a bowl with epsom salts in the water....I used to put epsom salts in a hot bath when I got back pain, and it did seem to help.

    Will probably chat again tomorrow!

    Planning on continuing with the ivy removal, and having a trip to the nearest supermarket. What an exciting life!!

    Kate

  • Hi Kate we are still in the peak district, home tomorrow, I see your the family taxi too, I'm on the airport run this week a 4 hour round trip, do they appreciate it?, I do envy you being so close to the beach it must be wonderful for both of you, I am going to see this beach one day, I was hoping for a hour on the allotment before going away but ended up going to recycling with old mattresses which was a struggle as none of the staff would help, a very kind young lady came to my rescue. Good to hear the roof is going to be fixed soon that must be a relief, as must be your stomach feeling better, thanks for the advice regarding sore feet, no epsom salts but as my friend and I have been having massage's for years, we were able to massage some life into each others feet and legs. Have fun with the ivy and shopping, be nice to catch up later,

    Eddie xx

  • Hi Annette, I'm guessing your not asleep just yet, I have been reading about Jane McClelland How to Starve Cancer and her journey through cancer, surviving four different ones, a lot of people I know who have read it told me it was amazing and unbelievable. I am barely half way through and I don't deny what she has been through for a second but taking each of her cancers in isolation, survival was always possible though possibly unlikely and though the odds of her surviving them all were very small, they were not impossible, and maybe she was just incredibly lucky, which of course she was, though her diet and faith in metformin made a lot of sense to me as did her explanation on glucose, lipids and glutamine and how removing them from your diet should be a priority and i agree some oncologists attitude to diet is lacking. Annette i have no idea if you have read this book, though I'm sure you once told me you liked reading, if you don't and you haven't my mistake I love brain fog. take care.

    love Eddie xx

  • Glad to hear you are enjoying a break in the peaks, beautiful place. Hope you got to stay the extra night. Bloods went okay no problems. Bit of a wait but nothing to worry about. It's a lovely sunny day here. Not up to much, pottering in the garden. Daughter changed things around on the patio. Looks great and seems to be more room. She planted all the herbs and veggies for raven. He's running around all excited munching on the carrot tops lol Fun to watch. Enjoy your day and have much fun x

  • Hi Marie, home now, but it was lovely. Good to hear hospital visit went ok, I guess Megan wasn't there, Isn't the weather fab, we had a walk round Ladybower and it felt hot, nearly took my jumper off, so your re designing the patio and planting up the pots, I'm glad you like it, but more importantly what does Raven think. you haven't mentioned Dave, is he ok, has he got over his glamping disappointment. Hope your having an ice cream to keep cool, have a lovely day.

    Eddie

  • Really glad you had a lovely time. Love ladybower, such a stunning place. Wish I could walk the peaks like I used to do. I just can't manage them hills now lol Megan wasn't there, she was on holiday. Not looking forward to chemo tomorrow but my oncologist did ring me to say she will be giving me steroids pre treatment to see if we can combat this sickness. She's also given me a different anti sickness drug to try. See how it goes huh. Raven loves the patio. It's taken a while to get him out there. He free roams all day but is reluctant to go places. Dave is very well thank you. He's back to work today. He's over the glamping lol He thought it was all small and compact and definitely not luxury as they'd said. Lovely sunny day yesterday. Today not so. Not really up to much, just pottering and getting my washing done. Hope you have a wonderful day. Take care x

  • Hi Marie, 3 years ago I could walk all day, 20 minutes now on a good day and i need a sit down, happy days. Looks like you made Raven a happy bunny, was there ever a Mrs Raven. Glad to hear Dave's ok, though guess his glamping days are over, the weather here has been nice, though been doing paperwork and phone calls most of the day. Back to chemo tomorrow, It was nice of your oncologist to call, I hope the changes help and everything goes smoothly, I will have everything crossed for you, HT jab and PSA test tomorrow, not expecting good news but hoping for 1 more jab maybe. Good luck to both of us, best wishes.

    love Eddie xx

  • Best of luck for tomorrow Eddie! 

    Do you get the results of the PSA test pretty quickly, or is it one of those 3 week jobs?

    Kate

  • Hi Kate and thank you, my PSA is part of a blood test, also tests for a few other things as well, thyroid, kidney, heart and O2 sats to name a few, been having bloods every 3 weeks for over 10 years and usually get result in 3 days on my NHS app, though my GP want's to see me Friday so will ask her. How did the Ivy clearing go, hope the midges kept away, what else have you been up to today, do you feel ok and have the stomach pains gone I do hope so, Got a letter today. my senior cardiologist wants to see me, haven't seen him for 8 years as i see his colleague, she is my hero, hopefully they have some good news for me, as good news has been lacking lately, we will see, Poppy's ready for a walk then maybe a little supper, take care.

    Eddie xx

  • Hi Annette, sorry can't remember which day this week you are setting off to Durham for a well deserved holiday with Vince. Hope you have a wonderful time, the weathers kind and you have lots of ice cream, best wishes.

    love Eddie xx