Marriage problems

Norberry I appreciate all your comments and Sory to hear we will miss you on the forum

Another update - I have got myself a good solicitor and looking after the financial side as recommended. He's still in house, will be going away a couple of times then says he will not stay overnight from 18 October. Very hard putting up with him here but we have space, I am only communicating with him through my sister and written notes. A few days ago he wrote a long email cc'd me in, but bccd apparently about 80 friends and acquaintances. Untruthful account of what had happened saying he had made a new friend and that's why I ended the marriage. Of course not. Agonising that personal stuff is shared so widely and not even true. I have written to some people I think would have got it to put my side, in brief. My solicitor says the divorce judge will not look kindly on that and any repeat would be harassment (a few months ago the police came because a local woman in his political party had complained he was harassing her by email and online (about political stuff but not stopping contacting her when she asked). He has now been and stayed in a hotel with the new woman overnight, not sure if I told that before. If I were to be charitable I would say he has had a kind of breakdown and is trying to escape his fear of me dying, as I have been his emotional and everything else support for 26 years. Being uncharitable he is being selfish, lying, abandoning me in my time of need, and our children. I tell myself I have had the best of him, this new woman or others have a broken shell of a man who has already proved himself untrustworthy. 

The best things in my life are my wonderful children, and the most exciting thing is my older daughter is getting married (in next 3 months, to make sure I am there) and even better has just found out she is pregnant, which is so precious to me, it's very early days but for us to even share this part of it is incredible. So I try to think about that when I am obsessively caught up with my husband's behaviour and my pain and grief.

Wow what a scumbag he is. Great news regarding your daughter’s wedding and pregnancy. The only advice I can offer is don’t show him any of this is getting to you.  Let him go as low as he likes just rise above it and ignore him.  Any of your “friends “ that believe his emails or lies let them if they don’t ask your side of it then they are not worth your time. On this forum we all know life is too short to waste time on people that add nothing to your life.  I hope 18th October comes around quickly for you.  

HiTess.  I don’t post often but felt I really must after reading your posts.

im so sorry for what you have had to go through these past few months.  What your husband has done is so incredibly selfish and unforgivable.  I can’t imagine what his children must think of him but they must be very disappointed at his behaviour.  Whilst it may be a result of his struggle with your illness, it is inexcusable that he should treat you and his family this way when you all have needed him the most.  He will get his just desserts in time I’m certain of it.

im glad you have support from your family and a solicitor and have something positive to focus on with your daughters exciting news.  

Best wishes to you and stay strong xx

Hi Tess73

Oh no, this is getting worse by the minute. What an absolute scumbag of a husband that man is. 

Please don't try to credit his behaviour because of your illness. It's at this time in your life that he should be throwing all of his efforts to make you feel loved and comfortable, not running after some floosie that bats an eyelid at him. What kind of a tramp is she, running after a married man whose wife has an incurable cancer. Maybe they deserve to lie side by side in the gutter. 

What do your children think of him! Do they still have some love for him or can they see what type of a hateful beast that he is. Your situation mirrors the circumstances that one of the best females that has ever graced this platform found herself in when her scumbag of a husband took up with a ski instructor. 

I hope you, with the efforts of your solicitor, take him to the cleaners, and  remember to get a sizeable chunk of his pension.

Remember, Tess, you have many friends on this site and you take care, and draw upon all your inner strength to get through this process.

Tvman xx

I agree with TVman 100%. Good luck Tess and hold your head up high! xx

Lovely to know you have a grandchild on the way. I will so happy if that happens for me. Our daughter is married recently and trying for a baby 

you are dealing with your situation very well and it will be good when he is out of your house xx

Hi Tess,

I am so happy for you about your daughter, her wedding and pregnancy. Congratulations. 

I hope that your solicitor is able to give you good advice and to make sure that you get the best possible divorce settlement. 

Best wishes 

Hi Tess I've just read your update and your husband has done you a favour by writing that email, as now everyone will know what he is like with this deceitful, lying email! As your solicitor has said, I'm sure the judge will frown on his actions.

Well, congratulations on your daughter's upcoming wedding and wow a double celebration with her being also pregnant! This is just what you need to focus on from now on. Being a grandparent is so fantastic, it is hard to put into words but you will be so full of love in your heart, you won't have time to think of your husband and I hope he will not be included in any of the celebrations!

Ruthjp I hope you will be the next one to announce a happy event! I have everything crossed for your daughter to become pregnant very soon!

Hello all, I hope that people are doing ok in difficult circumstances. An update again. My health has been stable although last scan showed an enlarged lymph node so being rescanned and hope it's not metastasis. My daughter got married and had her baby last month which is wonderful and I am very grateful to be here for that. I had been struggling on without my husband here (moved out in October) still feeling so hurt, angry and I hate the single life with no partner, no intimate other to share my life. But was trying to get through. He continued to be angry and blaming of me, trying to get more money in settlement. Then suddenly in May he seemed to be hit by realising what he had done. Saying he had made a grave mistake in leaving me, he was so sorry to have messed up our lives etc. Then he tried to commit suicide saying he could not stand the guilt and pain. His new partner told me so I had couple of phone calls with him. Not much contact since as  feel it's not my place any more. But I have been really shaken up, my feelings and sleep very disturbed again. He says they have agreed to separate but i don't believe anything he says any more. Mainly I feel so angry, why couldn't he have realised this 2 years ago when all his friends and family were trying to tell him, and right up until he left for the other woman. What a stupid tragic thing. The children still don't want contact with him but I hope they can rebuild with him eventually. Anyway that will do for now but my main question is, how do I come to terms with being single in this hard time of life, I get very lonely despite friends and my kids, it is not the same, no one to share everything with and be there in the good and bad times. To confide in when I am worried, to discuss the kids problems with, to make me a coffee in the morning..    never mind when I get seriously sick I dread that without a partner to help. No one would enter into a relationship with someone like me with stage 4 cancer, I feel the only person who would be with someone would be their long-term spouse who had already had the good times . Anyway replies gratefully received, needing to be heard by people who understand.